The bedroom habits of men that really get on their nerves. Here are ten things to know:
1. I’m the stud, the Real McCoy, my foot!
Boasting of sexual prowess when results show otherwise was one of the top things that tops in setting up your partner up for disappointment. I mean, why can’t some men just be humble and quiet.
If you’re good, I will be the first to tell you.
2. Hey, service me
Not unless you are Brad Pitt, whom we also believe puts extra effort in bed, laying back with your hands behind your head and expecting a woman to service you while you do nothing to her is pathetic.
“Yes, of course, we get turned on by pleasing you too, but it’s a two-way street.
We don’t get turned on just by looking at you unless you’re in a movie.”
3. Your (nappier) grass is too tall!
Women hate it when guys smell or have poor hygiene, so before you even think about hopping into the bed, you should make sure you’ve showered and don’t smell like you are a manager at some farm.
“Men need to know that it’s important to do proper maintenance down there.
Nobody wants to use a toothpick to pull out hair because a man could not weed his tree.
Though some woman may like the body odour, too much is bad; bad breath especially that of onions and garlic is the biggest turnoff.
If water and soap do not work, maybe it’s time to visit a doctor.
4. If you like it, say it
Zero communication and complete silence feel very disconnected, detached and just plain weird.
Women need constant reassurance that whatever they are doing to you is working.
5. I’m Lilian, not Vivian
Oh, Vivian! You moan, yet her name’s actually Lilian! That definitely lowers your credibility and her passion for you.
Not even an apology, massage and romantic dinner can save you from this one because she will never move on.
That’s unforgivable. Period!”
6. Am I’m inside now?
The simple truth about sex is women want to be with men who believe in their art.
“If he keeps asking if I’m enjoying myself, if he is not touching the right places then I will definitely switch off.”
As much as you do not have to brag about your skills, you should at least try and pretend that you know what you are doing.
Confidence is key.
7. I will pluck out your weave
Being too aggressive is twice as bad as insecurity.
When you try to push a woman around, you’ll display disgusting behaviour.
“I had this boyfriend who was only concerned with his own pleasure.
I never got to enjoy intimacy with him.
He treated me like a princess but lacked basic manners in the bedroom.
I could not tell him because I was scared of bruising his ego.
Women also hate men who mishandle them down there. Do not bite her and neither should you use your sharp fingernails to explore the sensitive territory.
It does not work.
8. Samson, go slow on Delilah
A half-hearted attempt at foreplay is not just boring, but downright insulting.
Women need foreplay and romance to get aroused.
The buildup and foreplay is just as important as the ‘main act.’
“Sex without foreplay is like cake without icing. I don’t even know how people do it.
Do you know sometimes I can live with just foreplay?”
9. Kiss me, please
The first kiss is the most important thing when starting a relationship.
It tells tales about your sexual compatibility and believe it or not, it also says a lot about you as a person.
I once dated a well-known radio presenter who did not believe in kissing. He did not even want me to call him pet names. I started to feel like he only needed me in the house to clean for him and to satisfy him sexually.
My needs were not important.”
While kissing is important, one must not confuse a woman’s face with the Mwea Irrigation Scheme.
There is a very big difference between kissing and licking a woman’s face like a dog.
10. Damn! I was almost there
When a woman tells you she likes what you’re doing and not to stop, listen to her. There is no excuse for not paying attention.
“I thought it was common sense that when a woman cries out ‘ouch,’ it means she is hurting.