One of the many things Nigerians are good at is the ability to give unsolicited advice. This is why comment sections on blogs are like war theatres.
When I first moved to Lagos, there was this woman who stopped me along the road and started telling me that I was too skinny; I should drink peak milk and some other concoctions twice daily.
Last week, I was walking home with a friend after our weekly NYSC CDS meeting. A girl walked passed me and said ‘’Corper wee,’’ (this is the problem with wearing the uniform) I reluctantly said ‘’wa.’’
The friend I was walking with wanted to use an ATM so I was waiting by the side of the ATM when the girl walked back. She said “my spirit directed me to come and talk to you. You see, we all dream of working in big oil companies but my dear, there are no jobs o.” I was silent.
Let me tell you what NYSC means, it means Now Your Suffering Continues,’’ But I am too Nigerian to let this pass so I replied ‘’I don’t have suffering in Jesus name, ‘’ and she laughed and said ‘’ok, ok you don’t have suffering but its true o, there are no jobs.’’
She went on to tell me about how she finished serving last year and was working for a pastor while applying for jobs. How she was invited for a job interview in Lagos. This is where the story got interesting. After the interview they were asked to pay 11k. They convinced them that it was not a scam, the recruiters told them how they had made millions, how this madam gave them her ATM card and they withdrew the 11 thousand from her account, and since she joined them she has been making so much money. She advised me to come to their office and register. Nobody can pay me the kind of money she is making.
I wanted to humour her so I asked why I should believe her, she said ‘’because I am a Deeper Life girl. As a member of Deeper Life we don’t lie.’’ She went on to give me her phone number. Apart from the absurdity of the story all I wanted to ask her was did I ask you?
Many people I know have similar experiences. People who tell you how to dress, how to walk, how to smile, what you should not eat and so on. A friend who loves wearing anklets got scolded by a woman along the road. The woman told her that if she continued wearing anklets she will not attract a good man, only the ones that will use her and dump her, with a straight face.
What is amusing about this advising business is that the ‘advice’ is always coming from strangers; can people learn to mind their businesses?
The next time you want to dish out advice, first of all ask yourself, “who send me?”
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