I have buried three generators in my back yard since this administration came to power.
The first already had one leg in the grave in the run up to the 2015 general elections and as much as I campaigned vigorously for the incumbent to remain, I was a bit awed when “Body Language” immediately took over the affairs of the country during the transition period.
While Body Language was in power, government fire was all over the place nyafu nyafu, it was full and running over.
There was always light at the flick of a switch, the freezer was becoming a nightmare to manage as frost threatened to overflow and spill out the kitchen door and even the fridge was fast becoming a menace. Eggs, garden eggs and apples placed inside the fridge were frozen by day break and even the most ardent supporters of the erstwhile President began to think that Body Language was a candidate to cherish.
Funny enough, Body Language was not on the ballot paper, nobody voted him in but he was doing a darn good job of running the country well.
Soon enough, Body Language’s tenure expired and he handed over to Muhammadu Buhari and that was where the whole matter began to develop a very suspicio-ooking K – Leg.
And I began to bury my dearly beloved generators one after the other as each put in its best, worked its soul to death and with a shuddering sigh of defeat (sometimes an explosion), breathed its last.
One of the campaign promises which had been drummed into our ears, was the provision of 24 hours of electricity.
On the bases of that, a lot of people pressed their thumbs for the broom and collectively swept the umbrella out of power. Things took a whole new turn, however, when Body language officially handed over to the incumbent, a turn for the worse.
Electricity steadily began to drop and pretty soon, it was clear that perhaps what was promised and we did not hear, was steady and uninterrupted flow of darkness with temporary flashes of light.
Ever hopeful, Nigerians continued to make excuses for the administration and argue that what they needed to fulfill that particular electoral promise, was time. A little bit of time. Small time more. Just be “patience”, they need more time and so on and so forth until even the most die-hard ardent supporter of the gap toothed one began to feel that they had definitely bargained for more than this.
And so, the cries of adulation turned to wails of woe.
Everyone was now a wailing wailer but that was not the comic part of the incident.
The hilarious part was that in response to the people’s demands for electricity, not that they should have demanded before they were provided – electricity should come as a basic resource for the average Nigerian not to mention that campaign promises were built around it; the Muhammadu Buhari administration, through its spokesman Femi Adesina, asked Nigerians to take up arms and fight the pipeline vandals themselves if they really want stable electricity.
And that kind of set the tone of what to expect from this administration that had promised so much and was hell bent on delivering as little as possible.
Nigeria is supposed to be a secular state and not a religious one, this is in spite of the fact that our constitution mentions the Sharia Law a total of 73 times, Islam 28 times, Muslims 10 times and there isn’t a single reference or mention of Christ, Christianity and the church – but we Christians are too docile and cowardly to worry about that.
We did worry though when it was rumoured that the country had been added to the Coalition of Islamic States against Terror.
Ehn? Where? When? What? Why and How?
Islamic gini? Is Nigeria an Islamic State?
And then the President’s response to that, as captured in a live interview on AlJazeera, was to ask anyone who was not okay with the addition, to take up arms and head to Sambisa forest to go and fight the terrorists themselves.
As in a whole president who ought to be unifying rather than polarizing the different demographics in the country he presides over, turned his lips up and “yinmued” the citizens.
But it didn’t stop there did it?
Remember the darling of social media; the primus Minister entre Pares; the purpose built self subbing machine “Barrister” Solomon Dalung? Having successfully disgraced Nigeria at ALL the international appearances Team Nigeria had made during his tenure, either by abandoning athletes without flight plans; or forgetting the outfits for processions; or refusing to pay athletes fees claiming lack of funds (meanwhile funding a huge entourage to and fro such meets); Minister Dalung got tired of pesky Nigerians trying to force him to provide for the athletes like he was wont to and declared: Athletes do not need training to win medals, what they need is the right mindset.
In other words, you are on your own.
Win or lose, it is all in your mind. If you are waiting for this government to provide anything for you – money, training or moral support – you need to come down from that long thing you are on top of, as quickly as you can.
You think it can’t get any “better”?
Love or loathe the BBOG, question their intentions as much as you can, but that is one advocacy group that set out one of the numerous campaign promises through which this government coasted to victory; and are hanging on for their dear lives.
Their demand is simple: You promised you would find the Chibok Girls, on that bases we gave you our support. Biko hurry up and find them so we can get back to our daily routine.
This group sat out for 1000 days, waiting for the return of these girls.
They have faced intimidation and harassment and even threats for their persistence, but simply refused to budge and then what did the government decide to do?
Through its Minister of (Mis)Information Alhaji Lai Mohammed, the BBOG were invited to come and search for the girls themselves in Sambisa forest.
Bear in mind that these were bloody civilians who have definitely not been trained in warfare or defense of any sort whatsoever, but since they know how to talk and pile pressure on the government, they should kuku be able to come and help the trained soldiers look for the girls.
The point of all this?
We are in a democracy: Government of the people, for the people and BY THE PEOPLE.
And if this government achieves nothing else, it is definitely hell bent on ensuring that the citizens understand what a democracy is and limit its expectations from its elected officials to the barest minimum.
This administration did not come to work, they came to chop.
Your constant cries for the delivery of their campaign promises is distracting them from their mission in a Chop-ocracy.
So therefore, if you need anything done before 2019, you better be ready to get up and do it yourself.
> One meal a day for all school children? Cook it yourself and pack in their lunchboxes.
> Interest free loan for all students? Well, if your bank manager agrees to give you an interest free loan, wetin concern gofamint inside?
> Atink they have already told you to bear arms and go and fight Boko Haram yourself and have even taken Madam Oby to show her where they saw Boko Haram last? if you want the bombs to stop going off, the rest is up to you.
> If you want 24 hours electricity, buy a good generator and ensure you are always filling it with fuel you hear?
> Bring the dollar at par with the naira? Well, thank God some of you have now turned to cryptocurrency. You know the way. When you have found it, please make sure you show others.
Whatever else you do, please try not to raise your voice at this government and interrupt their chop-ocracy, they have only just begun.
Do not ask what your government can do for you but rather ask for what you can do to help yourself and your generations.
We are in a democracy, and part of it is ‘…BY THE PEOPLE”, so it is your turn now, government is trying its best to relax this first term and strategise on how to rig themselves into office for a second term of jollofing at your expense. You have to also do some of the work you know, so get busy and tone down on the noise.
Shhhhhhhh, do not disturb. Government is chopping!