Divorce is one of the most traumatic events we go through, and when we reach the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel,” many of us feel that little spring in our step and start to think about dating again.
So how can you start off on the right foot when you’re just beginning to dip your toes back into the dating pool? Here are 15 essential tips to follow:
- Be psychotically optimistic about love.
Psychotic optimism is my philosophy on love, which I’m spreading to everyone who will listen. It means this: “Love will come to me — it’s a WHEN, not an IF. I’m in it to win it, not in it for a minute.”
- Make sure you are HEALED before you start dating.
At this point, I hope you’ve done the “inside work” necessary to find a healthy relationship. Do you understand what went wrong in your relationship? Are you aware of your role in the marriage’s demise? And, have you made as much peace as possible with your ex and the divorce?
Dating from a place of anger doesn’t usually lead to good choices. Don’t skip the counseling sessions — they will help tremendously down the road.
- Create a marriage map.
Can you identify what a new, good, happy relationship looks like to you? If not, beware. Human beings are usually creatures of habit. We do what is comfortable instead of what is right.
So, if you were married to a narcissist, without the knowledge of what a narcissist acts like in the beginning, you may find yourself on the same dysfunctional merry-go-round again.
Make sure your past is legitimately in the past, so you don’t end up choosing the wrong kinds of people again and again for the wrong reasons. I coach all of my clients through a “marriage map” exercise to create a road map of a partner that will make them happy, which is necessary to start picking the right people. Read more