It is time to do some spring cleaning of the relationships with the people who make up your circle of friends, family, acquaintances, and colleagues. There is probably at least one toxic person in the above group list that undermines your confidence, betrays your trust and spreads negativity. Yuck! You know you need to get rid of that person or at least avoid them as much as possible but…what if it turns out to be you!
Sometimes you need to take a step back and evaluate what kind of friend, spouse, parent, child or co-worker you are. I know from experience how easy it is to slide into a pattern with certain relationships. Especially with a spouse. If you find yourself constantly having the same arguments, and feelings of frustration, it is time to take a hard look at your roll in your relationships and stop the harmful habits that sabotage a peaceful and loving environment with those around you.
- Dwelling and/or constantly bringing up the past.
This is right up there with the blame game. Someone’s gone and done you wrong. And you just can’t let them forget it. Whether you actual say the words out loud or let them simmer in your head, holding on to the mistakes someone has made in the past does not foster a way for the relationship to move forward and beyond the problems from the past. You have to give people the chance to change their ways and create new realities.
If you can’t move past whatever happened, you need to work on it till you do or move on without that person in your life. Dwelling on past issues is bad for the perpetrator and for you. Work on it together or individually in therapy. Because if you don’t move past it, even when the relationship is permanently severed, you will still allow those thoughts to stink up your mind and infect future relationships.
- Not resolving issues.
And why do you have trouble resolving issues? Because you are stuck in #1, the blame game. Until you figure out that is is more important to solve an issue than to point fingers at who’s fault it was, your relationship will never be one that has mutual respect and understanding. A relationship needs successful conflict resolution to move forward and grow together.
Not learning how to resolve issues dooms the relationship to repeat disagreements in perpetuity. And believe me, been there, done that, wore the t-shirt out. There is nothing more unsatisfying that going round and round and having the same discussions over and over again. Read more