- Dear Tonto Dikeh,
No one can claim to fully understand the level of hurt an individual goes through while in a fight for life over a love relationship that has gone south, nor should anyone even try to compare what they felt while going through something similar and use it as a standard to gauge other people’s feelings; why? People are different; we react to things differently because we have different tolerance levels.
In recent times, I’ve read a few comments made by friends and foes on the marital squabbles you’re currently having with your husband; this has been fodder for social media fire. I read you saying you will talk and say everything you’ve been made to endure while married to Churchill.
I get your need to defend your actions and possibly exonerate yourself from the collapse of your marriage; so in talking to virtually everyone that has ears to listen or more like, everyone that has time to read your rants online; you will feel justified and supported and vindicated.
Bhet sister, why do you want to toe Toke Makinwa’s path or follow after Tiwa Savage?
There will be many who will skip reading your rants; they think you should suck it in and stop all the noise about STDs and being battered, after all, they endured worse.
Some who pause to read will compare their lives with yours and laugh out loud, glad that you are also having it rough.
Let’s face it, you’ll only get some sympaty from these platforms and I’m not even sure that’s exactly what you want, otherwise, you won’t insist on saying it all.
In truth, while a few may understand or attempt to understand your feelings, majority of the readers could care less about what is going on in your life. They’ve factored a number of things in, namely- you are rich…as they’ve been made to believe over time, you can pretty much afford a good life for yourself and son and they are saying,
‘Sharap! There are worse stories out there!’
And I agree with them in a way:
-There are girls still in boko haram’s harem, they are as young as 14 years and are constantly raped by their abductors, they may never come home ever again!
-There are whole families wiped out by rampaging Fulani marauders and the government hasn’t as much as sent a word of sympathy-they’ll forever be traumatised.
-There are parents who’ve watched their kids butchered and will never get justice…
Sister, there are too many stories out there, bigger than you by far.
Now, does that make yours any less important? No. It just suggests you can settle your matter without all the noise in the social media space.
But if you insist you want to talk. I guess you do have a right to. It’s your life after all. Then, after you’ve talked, after you’ve said all you need to say, do you imagine you will feel fulfilled?
Not likely, sister, because the people who are reading you aren’t exactly therapists, so the relief you hope to achieve may never be yours.
You won’t even feel justified either; all you’ll feel is regret; and pain and shame and anger and remorse and…a thousand other emotions too deep for words.
But regret will be your constant companion for a long while; regret over how much you hoped this would be the best part of your life and it isn’t. Over when the first signs of the crack began you ignored it or maybe you didn’t, maybe you thought you handled it well, back then; because as you know, these breaks don’t happen overnight; they usually start with a crack.
You will think of those times you fought for the union to remain, as you have also mentioned; you posted exotic gifts you claimed he gave you just so you could boost his ego. Then you’ll hate yourself for being that foolish, to think tangible things could assuage his ego or keep you together when in reality, you should never have been together in the first place.
Whatever action you regret, I tell you sister Tonto. Say no more.
Our ears and eyes are full already and whether we take sides with you or Churchill , what’s important is that you pick yourself up and move on. Because once we’ve all satisfied our morbid appetite over your misfortune, we have our own lives begging for attention.
Yes, there are bills to be paid, there are deadlines to meet, there are jobs to chase and degrees to study for, there are empty stomachs to be filled and mounting debts to be paid, childlessness to agonise over, diseases to battle and errant lovers to catch. Life is full of these.
Though you’ve provided us with the much needed side attractions, we really must get on with our lives and so must you.
Be well, my sister.
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