May 26, 2017

Bros, don’t die on ‘Active Duty’ o – Doctor Nwolisa

Bros, don’t die on ‘Active Duty’ o – Doctor Nwolisa

Nigerians are unique people and we no dey carry last.

Our uniqueness is reflected in every facet of our life and even death. Pick any newspaper and see how we announce a death. It ranges from ‘gone too soon’ to ‘a celebration of life’. In between these will be ‘transition’, ‘Gone to a better place’ and numerous others.

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Cause and nature of death are usually ‘died after a brief illness’ or ‘the wicked have done their worse’ and finally the place where the death occurred is celebrated.  USA and United Kingdom are the cream of the pie. If death occurred within Nigeria and in any of our high brow hospitals, the name is usually highlighted. That is who we are as Nigerians and we owe no one any apologies.

Since the insurgency  ‘died in the line of duty’ has joined the phrases used to announce a death. There is an emerging terminology which is steadily gaining grounds but for obvious reason is not stated in newspaper publications of deaths. It rather features, rather, in the mundane and more salacious sections of newspapers. It is also the society blogger’s delight. The phrase is ‘died in action or in active service’. For purposes of this article, we would use ‘died in action’ or DIA.

Some people have termed it ‘death in the throes of pleasure’ or ‘exiting while coming’ but the bottom line is that the individual died in active service. The incidence is on the rise and nearly every week there are reports in either the social media or in the mainstream media.  

The usual casualties are nearly always older men.   DIA does not discriminate, it knows no tribe, creed nor financial status. The uniform or common indices in most cases of DIA include inter-generational sex ( another term for sex act between much older males and  younger females), energy drinks, performance enhancing tools and drugs and the desire to achieve maximal returns on investments in one swoop. The only difference in cases of  DIA is the venue where it occurs. This is where financial muscles come in and could range from a five-star hotel to a short-time joint.

 You never read of DIA when the legal or lawful madam is involved because the earlier outlined indices or conditions do not all co-exist.  Following  DIA women suddenly become widows and children become fatherless because an ‘old man was trying to  form Jackie Chan or James Bond’ on top a younger babe.

The causes of  DIA include cerebral hemorrhage or in lay man terms bleeding into the brain, stroke and heart attacks. Several historic and political figures around the world have gone by the way of  DIA.  Some scientific studies appear to support the commonly held belief that sexual activity with an extramarital partner may increase the risk of sudden death. They believe that sexual activities in that circumstance with an extra-marital partner especially in an unfamiliar setting may lead to significant increase in blood pressure and heart rate which can lead to sudden death. Throw in the cocktail of energy drinks and performance enhancers and the DIE is cast.

So guys, enough of these mindless and mumulicious  pleasure induced or inspired death. Though you may have invested heavily be mindful that even companies quoted on the stock exchange deliver returns on investment over a period of time.  Not even these quoted companies can earn all their accrued dividends in one fell swoop.

A man doesn’t have to exit planet earth through the route he came,  more so standing erect and at attention. A word, as is commonly said, should be enough for the wise.

 

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