July 17, 2018

Abeg, wetin homosexuals do us, sef? – Peju Akande

Abeg, wetin homosexuals do us, sef? – Peju Akande

I have never considered people of a different sexual orientation from me a threat to my life.

Well, maybe because I see them as people I should empathise with and not hate. Something serious must be going on in their heads for them to decide they want to be a certain way and are happy with it and whatever the thing is, I will not judge.

Now, I say empathise because to my mind, if I were to use me as an example, it must be thoroughly confusing to deal with being a woman and desiring only women.

I mean, so I see a full blooded man; moustache, strip of beard, with huge tapering shoulders, (my type) bulging biceps…or may be flagging at some point (lol) and that thing between his legs…gulp… and yet would desire a woman, who has boobs like me?

Ko possible, naw!

And it’s same logic I’ll apply if I were a man, why would I want another hard body rubbing against me, when a softer, more sensuous one is available, biko, I no do.

What’s more, to really tell that there is something not to trifle with, what happens in the place of sex? Where will both of both put your wee-wees.

See one of the reasons why I empathise, rather than hate?

Anyway, let’s not get disgusted over this. Last week the police arraigned some 40 something homosexuals for illegal sexual activities; I had to clap for our very efficient police force, I mean, in one day, they got over 40 homosexuals. Good job!

I expected to read further that ‘in other developments, some 50 hired assassins were also apprehended.”

You know,  the murderers and brains behind the killing of innocent Nigerians that to date the police are still scratching their heads over; the Bola Iges, for instance, the kidnappers behind the Igbonla boys, as another example of Police at work; the arrest of several of the sick minds behind shrines where babies are demanded as requisite for rituals; the arrest and arraignment of many depraved minds that rape children and steal the hope of entire communities when they rampage through farmlands cutting everyone down with their AK47s. The Badoo boys for God’s sake.

Yes, I looked out for mentions about the capture of the Badoo kingpin, let’s even see what he/she looks like, I hoped to read news of looters who stole us blind being jailed; or is this how the likes of Deiziani and Aluko will just comeandgo like that?

Alas! There was no such news.

So I wondered, these boys, these so called homosexuals that have been arrested by our efficient police and are cooling off in detention, how have their arrest made me feel safer, made anyone in the society safer?

Have I been bothered about their ‘nefarious activities’ not in the least, not as long as they don’t insist I partake of their sexual acts or insist I accept them by fire by force, nor break down my walls to prey on me or my community at large; not in the way the activities of the other above named criminals have threatened my security.

These 40 boys and men have not disturbed my peace, they have not made me feel hopeless, helpless, frightened for  my life and property, they have not forcefully encroached on my space and that of everyone around me.

On the scale of 1 to 10, one being least life threatening to 10 being –unarguably the most, without any shadow of doubt, life threatening to the point of relocating abroad.

Whereas homosexuals would be a 3 to 10, the others are a 10!

So, when I find our police dissipating much needed energy peeping through key holes or windows to apprehend homosexuals in the act, I just think it’s a waste of tax payer’s money.

Now, here’s not to say the job of policing is as simple as having all of the police looking for homosexuals, I imagine there would be units for each crime, yeah? It’s just a suggestion, o. Why not move our very active boys and girls in the homo unit to the more deadly criminal units so we can have rapid results as we have, here?

Just asking, for a friend, no.

Let’s even think deeply about this, how were these homosexuals caught? In the act?

Is this Nollywood? Where people who know they are engaging in illicit sexual acts never shut their doors and always get caught?

Aww, com’on!

It’s hardly likely they were caught this way; some neighbour may have snitched, some angry landlord may have a hated tenant he wanted to deal with him, a boyfriend may have found a permanent solution to the guy his girl is suddenly interested in…they could have been caught through various unpolicelike manner, really. And today, 40 something homosexuals will face the judge in a country that has forbidden homosexual acts.

But sha, you of a different sexual orientation, you sef! You ought to know better, na! You know you will be roasted if caught, yet you went and took a dip in the sea of oil and tanda beside fire!

No be heavy roasting you dey ask for?

Now you have been caught!

You see ya sef!

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