Ladi Opaluwa continues with her series of questions today and her answers will perplex you as usual.
How do you increase fuel price without sparking outrage?
Create fuel scarcity, promise to build refineries in a few months, and pay quasi economists to posit that competition will lower prices in a few months. The best bet, though, is to bribe labour leaders.
How do you deal with the relentless BBOG campaign?
Appoint some of its leaders to juicy MDAs. Engage the rest in the manner of our predecessors. #showdempepper
Are Fulani herdsmen terrorists?
Herdsmen are not always Fulanis. So, Fulani herdsmen are not terrorists. QED.
What is your response to allegations of nepotism regarding federal appointments?
How can you say nepotism when the president does not know 90 percent of the people in his cabinet?
How does one get a federal government job?
Start by filling the employment form online at www.fedcivilservice.gov.ng. However, note that dressing masquerades is a viable option for unemployed youths.
What is your position on the First Lady’s BBC comment?
The president and his wife will resolve the matter joyfully in the other room. #sheyyouget?
Any update on the proposed school feeding programme?
The price of rice has overtaken that agenda
What are your projections for the future of the economy?
Our lamentations will not continue.