March 23, 2019

And Buhari’s saints came matching in – Viola Okolie

And Buhari’s saints came matching in – Viola Okolie

Finally, we can heave a sigh of relief, the newest saints have been canonised right here in the hallowed chambers of the 8th National Assembly, and all is at peace with the world.

I have gone through the list and the back-slapping (sorry, screening) process and think it would only be proper to assign portfolios to the ministers here and now since it seems that important bit was left out.

I mean, who goes into the university already having a course of study in mind? Absolutely nobody!

Anyone insisting that these ministers ought to have been presented with potential portfolios as is done in saner climes is just being mischievous and clever by half.

That year when you wrote JAMB, yes you! Did you have a choice of anything? No choice of university, no course of study, nothing. You just filed in, observed your JAMB question papers and answer scripts and “took a bow”… and the rest is history.

The all knowing Baba will handle the rest.

Sai Baba!

> I think that Fayemi would make a good Minister of Tourism. As a part of his presentation, was the statement: “The Ekiti state government house cost only N2.7bn to build (cold catch me when he said that ONLY o, I nearly vomit the black soup wey I chop on Sunday), it is one of the cheapest government houses in Nigeria. Ask the senators, they will attest to that. It can even serve as a tourist attraction.”

Yes ke!

So, if I understand him well, tourists will fly into Nigeria, and leave Abuja where private houses self can confuse the ill-prepared and take a trip allllllll the way to Ekiti to go and gawk at the government house?

See sense! I wonder why he did not mention the multi million naira beds. We could actually open up a “pay per sleep” and charge tourists to sleep on one of the most expensive beds in the world.


> Audu Ogbeh actually understands the potentials inherent in our youth?


Let’s make him Minister for Youth sharperly. After all, to quote my tear rubber facebook friend Paul Uche Nweke, Saraki the Father, Saraki the Son and Saraki the Spirit have already cleared him.

Nigerian “yoot” continue jostling for PA, SA and SSA positions o. People like Audu Ogbeh and the other papas will pat you on the head for having “inherent potentials” and steal your tomorrow.

> Lai Mohammed for Minister of Misinformation, Disinformation and Malinformation.

This will be a perfect fit and any thing short of this means Nigerians are overlooking the potentials inherent in a man of such sterling qualities. (PS: Is it just me or has his nose grown since he became the chief propagandist for the APC)?

Anyway, not only would we be the first country in the world to project the neglected genres of the information and communication sector, we can also actually win the war against insurgency within three weeks of Lai assuming office.

Not only would he be forced to recall all those wild allegations and promises he made during the elections, but he could actually confuse the insurgents into believing they have surrendered.

Doubt me? Take a trip to social media and see the “yoot” still labouring under the spell of this Goebbels of our time. According to them, all the petrol stations on facebook sold fuel at N57 per litre on Sunday.

(The real life petrol stations apparently did not get the memo).

> How can I forget my pally, The Pussycat of Ubima, Rotimi Amaechi? We should have a Ministry of Witchcraft and he should be in charge of it.

Because whatever that magic was that happened with 25 TransAmadi Road, e don pass “don’t tell anybody”. I confuse sef, added to his own confession that he contributed 80% of Sai Baba’s campaign funds, my mouth don shut up.

Minister of Witchcraft. Take a bow biko, you are in APC, all your sins have been washed off. You are a saint!

That said, we could have had a lot more saints on that list if the #WailingWailers had not been wailing all over the place like somebody took their biscuit.

We could have had Saint Abacha, Saint Anini, Saint Idi Amin and a host of other saints.

But you all were in a hurry!

Sai Baba!

Did I hear you say “cronyism”? Gerrarahiamannnn, who asked you?

Remember the key words for this administration: “kwarepshun”, “merit” and “kwompetence”.


PS: Hands up anyone who thinks the Senators need to be screened themselves? I swear at a point, I thought I was watching a group of nursery school children doing everything but what they were supposed to be doing at the moment.  I almost felt like firing out a petition requesting that all Senators hand in their feeding bottles before entering the hallowed chambers.


Diarisgoduoooooo! (c) Dame PGEJ, Abuja – 2014.

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1 Comment

  1. Talatu Barau

    Truth be said the list isn’t worth the wait. Viola has a huge sense of humour which makes reading her worķs exhilarating.


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