Every so often, the social media (Naija branch) is shaken to the roots by a trending baby mama/baby daddy drama – often initiated by the woman who feels shortchanged by the father’s level of care or responsibility to the child, and decides to take the route of public naming and shaming to get him to adjust.
Can this matter ever be put to bed?
Well, for as long as the “shoot your shot” mantra remains a woke thing, I doubt that we will stop shooting our shots and turning up with children who did not ask to be brought into this drama, being used as bargaining chips by irresponsible adults.
Yes, you van shoot your shot, but silence the pistol first biko, because we don’t want to hear the noise.
Anyways, I think that in all sincerity, both parties must admit to the fact that they have some responsibilities to preventing all these “stories that touch’ or when it does happen, stepping up to the plate and manning up – yes, even the women have to man up.
There are many milestones before we get to the stage of pushing a baby out – so many points at which one must choose to be responsible and ask the necessary questions in order to ensure that we are all on the same page.
For instance, ‘what are we’?
If you answered, ‘we are pencils in the hand of the creator’, please raise your hand. Champion! Now form the palm of that hand you raised up into a fist and bring it down into the centre of your own head. Olodo!!
Yes, what are we?
Seriously, from the point you are dating to when you start necking and then he reaches out and places a tentative hand on your lap, take that hand off please and ask: :what are we’?
If the answer is ‘I don’t know. Let’s just take it day by day and see how this ends up’, then no matter how horny you are, you better be packing yourself and your libido up and be heading back home for a cold shower before you sleep. Do not proceed.
I repeat, do not proceed.
But if the konji that is ‘holding you’ is stronger than common sense, then by all means, shoot your shot (who am I to tell what I hope is) an adult, otherwise, but please insist on the gun being silenced.
If on the other hand, common sense is stronger than the konji – my sisthren, just quietly wrap up the production and send the cast and crew off home for a long, cold shower. When he is sure who and what you are and where you all are headed, then he may return for further discussions.
It is amazing that in this year and age of our Lord – 2018 – we still have to say this to bonafide adults.
There are so many ways to prevent a pregnancy from occurring if you must ‘do the do’ – except for when your village people don mean you, that is when the baby comes out of the womb holding the IUCD as in: iyalaya anybody wey wan chop and clean mouth, I don show – that it beggars belief that people still run the Russian roulette smorgasbord of sexually transmitted diseases to skinny dip; and then when God favors them with the kindest outcome of unprotected sex, they start disgracing their lineages by either abandoning the mother and baby to their fate, or disturbing our timelines with their attempt to shame a man who refuses to be involved beyond providing monthly or regular upkeep for the child, or refuses to be involved at all.
For the sake of political correctness, we will agree that the man should be involved in providing for his child after all, he was very very very very very very (raised to power one million) involved in the sex act that produced the baby but my sisthren, gather round and pull your ears and let us tell ourselves the truth:
If you have never been pregnant before, that is when you romanticize sex and the resultant pregnancy. But just in case you haven’t and you are planning to go skinny dipping with the next guy you come across, let me be of small assistance to you:
You get sick – most women only know they are pregnant when they have ‘malaria’ that refuses to go or embarrassing body changes they can’t get rid of.
Your body changes – some of the changes are almost irreversible: your breasts may droop, your belly will definitely shoot out and may never return to pre-pregnancy dimensions, your feet will expand and may never shrink back, your ankles will be swollen, you will pass gas uncontrollably, your nose swells, etc…
This is Nigeria – you will get stigmatized to within an inch of your life even if you born Dangote, dem go sha still curse you anytime wey dey like after all, you are a single mother.
Then when you have the child nko?
You think breast feeding is as blissful as the adverts make it out to be? Or as gentle as your boyfriend sucking your nipples during foreplay? You reckon? Reckon again, please.
Did we skip the actual process of childbirth and labor and all that? Did we?
Your body changes, your mind changes, your time and what you can spend it on change; the changes trust me, are much much much more than the money any baby daddy can ever give you – it is a lifetime commitment.
So, before you allow him to dip an uncovered pen into your ink pot, ask yourself ‘am I ready for this’?
Imagine that every unprotected sex act you engage in, kindly ends with a pregnancy (trust me if you walk out of an unprotected sex encounter with only a pregnancy, God has indeed been kind to you); and ask yourself if you want to have a baby for this person planning to cover you in sweat and sperm, and most importantly if that baby comes, if you are willing to go through the whole hog alone?
Question yourself o.
Because the only change the man goes through, is temporary.
He ejaculates and he feels airay!
Not even all the calling out on social media can ‘dull his shine’, na Naija we dey.
Three months after both of you have had unprotected sex and you get pregnant, everybody who sees you on the street would remark something different about you the woman but the man, e fit even dey form say e never see woman brazierre before, and we go believe am.
Seriously, look at Wizkid abi Whizboi abi wetin dem dey call am sef.
If he tells you he is a virgin, won’t you believe?
If the baby mamas did not decide to drag him out, won’t you believe he is as celibate as Linda Ikeji? (We love you Linda, this is not a shade, please).
So, irrespective of what society says or what you feel or your righteous indignation or how much of the law you think you can use to finagle child support out of your baby daddy; until Nigerians grow up (probably about 3,765,142, 689 years from the date of this article), don’t delude yourself into thinking that all Nigerian men would willingly step up to the fatherhood outside of wedlock responsibility.
Heck 86.57398421% of married men are still dodging fatherhood responsibility, you come think say na sweet boy wey still dey enjoy life go gree say e know you from anywhere?
Seriously ladies, protect yourselves before you have sex, or insist on protection.
Don’t romanticize pregnancy and childbirth, especially the one procured outside wedlock.
Make your calculations very well before you proceed on the unknown journey of unprotected premarital sex.
Check am well well o.
Because when kasala burst and you come wailing on social media, trust me when I tell you that you are only entertaining 99.93625407681% of us.
PS: Don’t you all like all these random figures I am coming up with today? Somebody should quickly make me Nigeria’s minister of mathematics and statistics. Unlike Aunty Kemi, I get NYSC sabbeticket!