August 19, 2018

Believe me, every woman needs a boob job – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Believe me, every woman needs a boob job – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

I have never considered plastic surgery. Not because I am all that, only because I am a scaredy cat. The thought of the prick of a needle scares me silly. I cannot imagine myself wilfully lying down on a slab to be butchered by some doctor. (I know it is more delicate than that but this is how I envision it.)

Now in my late 30s, I am not sure plastic surgery is a bad thing. Ageing gracefully in a dignifying manner sounds all dandy but there is no dignity in a nipple lying face down a stomach.

Yes, I said it.

There was no nipple that was created to know what the feet look like. Nipples were made to stand straight and tall, parallel to the nether regions. They have no business reclining on the stomach.

big bust

Have you seen some mothers breast feed? Even the baby has to use two hands to lift the breast and find the nipple tucked inward facing the chest. Please someone should tell me that this is not a serious condition that needs swift medical attention.

Before you start to recite epitaphs of fallen heroes having fought many battles (insert number of children fed) now valiantly retired make una keep kwayet!!!!! The war cannot be over before the age of 40! Biko. Do you know how damaging it is for a woman’s self-esteem to use crane lifts all day for a semblance of perkiness? Or imagine when they are let loose at the end of the day. It is so bad that one can even swat flies with these once gravity defying mammary glands that brought all the boys to the yard. To now roll them like a blunt and tuck them in pretty pink brassieres is a matter of concern.

So what I am saying?

Fallen breast syndrome should be classified as a medical condition.

Surgery to lift, reconstruct, reduce, reshape should not be elective, it should be mandatory life saving, self-esteem restoring surgery.

These new breasts should not be called “fake boobs”. They should be called ‘resuscitated MG’, ‘new life MG’, ‘rescued MG’ – MG being  SOT FOR Mammary Glands.

Plastic surgeons should do a mandatory service in developing countries by changing the lives of women for at least a year.

You see ba, it is deep. I know that they say a woman’s hair is her glory but may I suggest that the breasts are an equal glory? Nobody’s glory should be sad empty sacs sapped of life like balloons that have not burst but are gradually losing air. The hair has all kinds of solutions like weaves, wigs, attachments/extensions etc. If you are thinking of suggesting padded bras, PLEASE DON’T. How ridiculous is it to use a tiny plaster to keep broken bones together? Padded bras are not solutions, surgery is.

So I want to start an NGO to help women reconstruct their glory. I am still ruminating on the name to use for this NGO.

DD4LIFE : Double D for life

Dolly Parton’s girls (for obvious reasons)

They DGed (a bit awkward… but makes sense. They defy Gravity)

I am throwing it out there, suggestions are welcome.

As for me, I am so lucky I will never need this kind of surgery (wink wink), I only wrote this because I am passionate about women causes and doing my bit to improve our lives…..

 

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