Dear Senator Bruce Lee…
Sorry, Bruce Jenner…
Sorry BEN… Ben Bruce,
Every time I turn on the radio and have the misfortune of landing on YOUR radio station, somehow the gods in charge of my good luck seem to be off on some sort of vacation or the other and I end up having to spend a minute or two listening to you trying to “make common sense”.
During the drama of the ministerial nominations, screening and confirmation, I discovered that perhaps borne out of your love for the dramatic; you felt that there wasn’t enough tension and drama in the land already and decided to contribute your two kobo’s worth to the charade by running a common sense series where you were dispensing free advice to the President on how to ensure his ministers delivered results in line with the portfolios they were given.
Okay, first and foremost I was surprised that you chose the radio and television channels used by the masses as a means of passing across a message to the President.
“You were not inform?” (copyright: Dame PGEJ).
Biko go to Papa Iyabo for tutelage on how to carry out Presidential correspondence and leave our entertainment channels alone.
Hint: Open Letters, Season 1 to infinity.
Next was your suggestion that the minister of roads should be forced to use roads only for his intercity travels, no using of aircrafts or anything as fanciful as private jets. You said the minister of health should only seek treatment from Nigerian hospitals and the minister of education must have his children attend Nigerian schools.
Sound advice, Oga sir.
Matter of fact, you sounded so much like a socialist while dispensing these populist advice that at certain points, you were in danger of leaning so far off the socialist ledge and falling into a bucket of champagne.
Champagne. Socialist. Champagne socialist!
Tell me sir, if your name had been on the list of ministerial nominees, would you have made such interesting suggestions? Or would it have been same old, same old business as usual?
I ask, because you are a Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria – our people call it big name wey dey kill small dog – you owe as much responsibility to deliver the dividends of good governance to the people of your senatorial district, much more than the ministers whom we have been forewarned to expect little or nothing from after all, “they are just noise makers, the civil servants do all the work”.
Oga Bruce Lee sorry, Ben Bruce… not too long ago, I recall you flew business class to attend the graduation ceremony of one of your children in a foreign university.
At this point would the advice “physician heal thyself” be seen as bad belle?
Have you eschewed all those gatherings of the elite where cartons of champagne are guzzled while you agonize over how to insult the sensibilities of the masses with your “common sense” series? Hint: a carton of champagne would go miles towards alleviating the poverty of the masses. A bottle would put at least two children through school for a year.
Sir, have you taken your wardrobe allowance? If yes, what project did you use it to execute for your senatorial district? How come we have not heard your protests about the “work one week, rest three months” style of running the National Assembly?
Where is your outcry over the brigandage and political calculations going on in the upper chambers to the detriment of the masses? The ones you love so much that you restrict your rantings to free airtime on your radio and television channels?
Sir, no ethics manual or code of conduct released for members of the legislative? Your primary constituency? You left the Senators and House of Reps from where you should start pleading your gospel of common sense and jumped ALLLLLL the way to the ministers.
Haba Oga Bruce. Charity, they say, should begin from the National Assembly.
Stop attempting to pull the wool over our eyes, we have kidnapped the lamb.
You see, every time you come out with all those your “common sense” warreva, we all scratch our heads in confusion as we take your natural age and subtract the number of months you have been assaulting our sensibilities with your common sense ramblings and wonder where you have been all your life.
Where have you been, Sir?
Abi you never saw the need to make common sense until you began to eye the senatorial seat? Abi your own common sense is only common for talking down to the commoners?
Please take off your camouflage oga Ben and feel free to mingle with your associates, we are not deceived by your champagne socialism. You can feel free to stop prescribing to others when you do not seem ready yet to take a large spoonful of your own bitter medicine.
Don’t worry about “We, The People”, we gat this!
And when we are ready, all of you will know that we are.
It is a relief though that you always sign off with, “I am Ben Murray Bruce, and I just WANT to make common sense”, the fact that it is an intention has been noted.
Try harder though Sir, action they say speaks louder than words.
PS: A good place to start would be with the popcorn you sell in your cinemas all over the country.
Bros check am na.
Common guguru!!! Of maximum N200 na him you dey package dey sell for N800?
Guguru alone without even chinkini of granut?
Kai Bros Bruce, does that make common sense?