#BRINGBACKLINDAIKEJI by Pearl Osibu

Do you know that God gave us Linda Ikeji?

Did you ask why?

To entertain us; and make us mad with titillating stories and envy.

But because we like to pull people down, we spawned her, this beautiful girl. How dare she think to rise so high above us? We decided to target her when we heard that she does not create content or give proper credit. That she is in fact a common thief. But this is not about this grave offence for which she was warned repeatedly. This is all about the following;

-she is a woman

-she is so damn fine

-she is single and all the men want her

-she is a role model of some kind to young women

-she is a success story like Mr. shoeless to clueless

-she has a lot of followers and is widely read

-she is invited to tush places to speak and has an oh-so-glam lifestyle with vacations and whatnot

-she gives the retards of the Nigerian blogosphere a place to show themselves

-she does philanthropy here and there

-we respect her hustle (even when it’s ripping people off)

-she is soooooo nice and respectful

-she bought a car worth N24 million, and had the audacity to gush about it. Daddy gave her permission.

All things we have never seen or heard of before.

So, who the fuck does she think she is? This Linda Ikeji. Why shouldn’t she soil her pretty hands writing, and give you, a nobody credit for your work. Why should she steal with impunity? Why should she run a multi-million naira business from her bedroom without paying taxes (I pay taxes from even the little I earn from my writing – ask Mnet Multichoice – our scripts are taxed, our workshop/conference fees are taxed!).

But like we have apologized for all the wrong that has been done (us), we apologize on her behalf.

Is she not fine? Is everyone else not doing it? Why shouldn’t she?

Un(fortunately), google is not a Nigerian, sorry. So they tore down her ass and she limped back up with some dot Mobi.dot com whatever.

But now she is back, what happens?

She will learn from this and come back bigger and better.

Pearl, you too????????

We deserve Linda Ikeji.

We recover from the kinds of things that people would never recover from in saner climes. As we moved away from subsidy frauds to embezzlement/stealing which is not really corruption, to #bringbackourgirls, to COZA to all the pastorpreneurs, to the gay bill, TB Joshua, towards GEJ most likely coming back in 2015 after the awful disgrace of #bringbackGEJ, I say we #bringbackourLindaIkeji.

In a sane country, Linda Ikeji would be the dumped wife who despised her in-laws and husband’s friends, and brought younger men into the home – the person they point at and say, ‘don’t end up like that’ a person who never stands a chance again, a cautionary tale. Not here. Like I said, we are mad.

So, she’s what we deserve. I will carry placard. #BringbackLindaIkeji afterall na God give us.

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  1. Pingback: Voltron Activated; #bringbacklindaikeji | Fifty Shades Of Me

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