What’s nicer than a leisurely swim in some natural water, letting the cool H2O caress your body as your cares drift away with the current? Perhaps not having a vampiric fish swim up your urethra, but not sure if I’m just being picky.
Have you heard that rumour?
That there’s a parasitic water beast that inhabits certain lakes and rivers, laying in wait to feed on your genitalia? Now you have.
Here at Getting Freaky we freaking love rumours. The weirder, the better. The more toe-curling and spine-chilling, the better still.
The things that haunt your dreams are what we love, and unfortunately we can’t always give you the comforting answers and sing you a lullaby back to sleep. This is the case with the candiru fish; the little blighter who just adores dicks, swimming, and being fierce as hell (omg, she’s just like me).
For some reason we keep ending up back at Chuck Palahnuick, like some 4Chan-dwelling teen who’s read Fight Club for the first time and thinks it’s an allegory for the meaning of life – but the candiru features in the ‘seminal’ work.
It also appears in Season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy, and in William S. Burroughs’ Naked Lunch, where the author calls it: ‘A small eel-like fish or worm about one-quarter inch through and two inches long patronizing certain rivers of ill repute in the Greater Amazon Basin, will dart up your prick or asshole or a woman’s cunt faute de mieux, and hold himself there by sharp spines with precisely what motives is not known since no one has stepped forward to observe the candiru’s life-cycle in situ.’ Read more