Fact: Many women will live full years on earth- then die- without ever experiencing an orgasm.
For a long time, as a young woman, orgasm was more of a psychological state where you feel loved and wanted; where emotional love caresses gently and says things to you. I never thought the experience could be tactile for a woman. The possibility that a woman could jerk vigorously, animatedly and feel something at the lip of her vagina never crossed my mind. It never occurred to me that I was entitled to something so…earth shattering.
Well, my mother finally had that conversation with me. I think I was 24- that age when young women are bored with life to a degree that makes the peeling of egusi a recipe for great entertainment. I think my mum noticed that I had arrived at that troubling phase (in more developed societies, women get there earlier; say, 19); so she pulled out a chair and she talked about her first (and last) orgasm.
Unfortunately she experienced it just once.
But that conversation helped me appreciate orgasm beyond just a mental state. It could also be physical- just like it is for men.
It is cool to have that kind of conversation with your mum with a straight face. I know women who wouldn’t even talk about plain ol’ sex with their daughters. But mum and I manage to talk about everything- from silly boyfriends, hilarious dates, pimple on the butt, and first strand of sparkly silver hair on the head…from the most outrageous to the mundane.
As I said at the beginning, many women will live full years on earth- then die- without ever experiencing an orgasm.
But that is not the saddest part- the fact is, some women think of the female orgasm as dishonourable and despicable and so to deny yourself of it is in fact admirable and worthy of applause.
Sex is a man’s right, and a woman should never find pleasure and/or enjoy it half as much as the man. There’s the neat assumption that women do not like sex- they do it to please their men (that is why girls expect some kind of reward- gold wristwatch, prada purse, trip to Dubai in exchange for sex). If she does admit to enjoying it, then there’s a problem. She is too “exposed”. She is not fit for certain honourable platforms like…err…marriage.
It will shock you again. Do you know that women are the first to judge and criticise other women for admitting to enjoying the pleasures of sex and its benefits- orgasm being a major icing on that cake? Men- intelligent cosmopolitan men are beginning to accept certain changes in the gender setting. However it is taking the woman a bit longer to allow herself bask in the opportunities of being a 21st century being.
She will get there if she can just place that burden-of-honour aside and stop pretending to be a log of wood in bed. It impresses no one really- not your conscience, and definitely not your man (wanting a freak in bed is not something hip-hop made up)
You work hard; you are building a career, a life. You deserve to relish the icing and the cake. The benefits of female orgasm are terrific!
So go ahead, quiver