May 24, 2018

Cougars on the loose – Peju Akande

Cougars on the loose – Peju Akande

I stopped at a restaurant at GRA Ikeja to buy Nsala and poundo yam.

As I took a seat one of the male waiters approached. He came in measured steps holding a tablet to take my order. He couldn’t be more than 25 years at the most and as I sized up his 5 9’ frame (or there about), I could tell that the young man with muscles rippling under his blue uniform was accustomed to being complimented for his looks.

I hope you’ve got some brains on you, kid? I thought to myself, my motherly instinct kicking in.

He looked like he spent more of his time building muscles than attending to customers.

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“How can I help you, ma’am?” he asked bowing slightly.

Fine boy’s got respect! What are you doing waiting tables? I almost asked.He smiled shyly, strong teeth, *they even looked muscled*

My, my, Pj he’s old enough to be your grandson, a still small voice whispered.

I gave him my order and waited while he disappeared into the kitchen! As I looked around me I realised that I wasn’t the only one who thought he was a fine boy. A lady, who looked to be in her late thirties to early forties; two tables away from me was eating him up right before my eyes.

She kept calling him over, and wouldn’t even let him finish with giving me a receipt. In a bit, he was beside her, bending low to hear her request, her red coloured nails curled around his wrist.

As she gave him her business card, I was reminded of Ireti Doyle’s character, Fifty, the movie.

This is Lagos with cougars on the prowl, this is Cougar land. A cougar is an older woman who enjoys the company and sexpanionship of much younger men. Urban dictionary defines a Cougar as…”an older woman, typically early thirties to mid-forties, who has abandoned traditional rules of romantic engagement and taken as her mission, the seduction of as many game young men as she can possibly handle.”

Cougars around here range from their thirties through to their late 60s. Cougars are mostly single, often times successful women who either got themselves burnt in failed marriages or relationships or are widowed and have spent years raising kids who have fled the coop leaving them lonely with plenty of time and energy for adventure.Others who fall into this category could either have been busy pursuing a career and relegated coupling to the back seat but now have the confidence and time and money to go for what they want having acquired a certain level of financial independence. (Cougars must have a measure of success because you must need money as an older woman to keep a younger man sufficiently interested)

Unlike Aristo, Cougars don’t prowl the campuses, they are mostly on the internet. Thanks to dating sites that exclusively seek out young blood who are interested in dating cougars. After meeting on the dating sites, the two then agree a meet-up zone where both can access each other in safe confines before the real game begins. Since it’s the cougar paying, if she sees and likes the young blood, they strike a deal and find a love nest. Most times the nest is her comfort zone and if young blood performs to Cougar’s wildest expectations, he graduates to be her Toyboy. She then decides to either rent him a flat or have him move in with her masquerading as a trainer, driver, cook or ‘distant cousin’. She brushes him up with fine clothes and grooms him to appear presentable to her family and friends.

Toy boy is in paradise here and if he happens to be in school, Cougar pays his way through school and shoulders every other financial responsibility that may hinder his black mamba from rising every time Cougar calls for performance.

It’s a mostly unspoken agreement, Toyboy is there strictly for her sexual pleasure and he had better behave. He isn’t to have girlfriends otherwise, madam will boot him out; he isn’t to have big ideas or she’ll get suspicious, he isn’t to get too friendly with her friends or she’ll cut his allowance and replace him with one of the several other eager and equally high performing young things out there.

Unlike the toyboy’s female counterpart who is often high maintenance, the cougar’s got it good with her toyboy, his demands are not so difficult to meet’ apart from the twice a week haircut, he doesn’t need half a million for Brazilian hair, he’s quite content with a low budget phone so long as he can make and receive calls, he doesn’t necessarily want to buy new clothes ever so often but he wants a car, as a social status symbol that will set him apart from the small boys. He wants to have loose change so he can buy beer for his boys, he wants that wrist watch that sets him apart from the rest of his hungry blood hounds beyond that, he enjoys the mind blowing sex and to think he doesn’t even have to pay for it, like LG, life is good…until he gets his butt kicked sky high if he’s caught stealing from cougar or she finds he has a baby mama while he’s with her.

Like a broken toy, she’ll replace him in a blink of an eye.

Oh how do I know all these? I watched Fifty. Lol.

Read more from Peju

The evil Boko Haram did is just beginning to manifest – Peju Akande

I can’t keep her and her pregnancy, I am pregnant too – Peju Akande

We are just mothers, we are not God – Peju Akande

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