Come on, ignore the sneaky State police for one minute and let’s have a little bit of stress relieving and reception fighting laugh.
I’ll go first.
So this Einstein went out to the polls unsure of whom she wanted to vote for. If you were anywhere in the world in the run up to the elections, you would recall the frenzied campaigns, attacks and counter-attacks.
It wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t decide between a Jonathan that propaganda had assured her was a “clueless drunkard”, and Buhari that history had proven… well… let’s leave that hanging for now shall we?
Anyway, she got to the polling booth that day and “everybody for my front just de vote ‘Buhari, Buhari’ na him I say make I follow them so that I no go be the odd one out”.
And THAT my people, was why some people made far reaching decisions that could impact on their lives in ways they have proven even they could not comprehend at the time.
Okay, then this lady in my gym – usually I enjoy my own company a whole lot better than that of others so I keep to myself in the gym – but somehow, this lady came up to me and opened up a conversation.
Interestingly, the starter was the rising exchange rates (as at then it was N300/dollar) and how she had threatened her kids with local holidays blablabla…
Have you noticed one thing about “us”? When we complain about how the recession is affecting us it is usually relative to the luxuries and excesses we would now have to do without. We would still be living large yes, but we plan to substitute Kellogg’s cornflakes for something a little bit less exotic, like Golden Country cornflakes.
We often spare no thought for the minimum wage earner, who was earning N18,000 which was insufficient to bear his monthly expenses when dollar rate was at N175/$ and without experiencing any increase in income, would still need to pay fees and bear expenses now that dollar rate is a little over N500/$.
(And please, don’t be like Tinubu and start questioning the linkage between fluctuations in exchange rate and minimum wage earners. Please. Biko. Mbok. Ejoor. Dan Allah).
For them, they don’t have to prune the branches, they cut down the gaddem tree.
I am talking about pulling children out of school, taking two meals off the daily menu or even climbing up the railings of a bridge and jumping off into the murky waters beneath, but I digress.
Let’s moan about how our holiday locations have to change, shall we?
Anyways, so while this aunty in the gym was moaning about dollar rate and I was watching her Brazilian hair and filed to a stilleto point bejazzledfinger nails and thinking, ” oh brother”, (Yes, I can be petty like that), I was jerked back to reality when she moaned out something like, “if I had known, I wouldn’t have voted for Buhari”.
Hey, hey, hey… Me likey!
Wait, did you vote for Buhari? I asked.
Yes. She answered.
Because of the Chibok Girls.
Interesting, what happened to the Chibok Girls.
You know now, what Jonathan did.
What did he do?
Those girls got lost and he did nothing.
Why are you laughing?
Nothing, enjoy your change.
You see the average Nigerian, we are ruled by all sorts of crazy sentiments. You can see the truth staring at you, but you’ll focus so hard on the sentiments and rather keep ignoring fact.
I could reel off statistics about Boko Haram kidnappings, killings and mutilations and how it is a tad bit simplistic to believe one individual can bring an end to terrorism and insurgency WITHOUT the co-operation of the owners of the miscreants and deviants.
But I won’t.
Because the good thing about terror is that pretty soon, it goes rabid and loses its senses. And like a rabid dog, even the owners are at risk around it.
Enough said about that.
And what about the ” Anybody But Jonathan” crew?
Sounded like a good reason to vote right?
It would have been too but for the fact that these were perhaps the most insincere bunch of emotional voters that participated in the 2015 general elections.
For every fact that was presented to them, they and their diminutive twitter war lord ringleaders yelled back: Anything but Jonathan.
They would vote a pig.
Scratch that, they would buy two pigs and name them “Goodluck” and “Jonathan” to remind them not to vote for him.
Lol. Propaganda is a strong thing.
Anything but a man who ran an all inclusive cabinet with a constant eye on gender and youth affirmation? Anybody but a man who would absorb and absolve insults and protests, preferring instead to reach out to the disgruntled and explore avenues for resolution? Anyone but the man whose policies the almighty Messiah and his merry band of flatus filled spokesmen are appropriating?
I could understand Anything but Jonathan, if the two major contestants had SOMETHING to offer, but we were making these comparisons between someone who had a proven track record of performance (once you refused to succumb to propaganda it was easy to see how much he had achieved. If you doubt me, ask your minister of transportation), and someone who only had an illusion of integrity to offer.
And that is why I think the “Anybody But Jonathan” crew were the most insincere of the sentimental voters we encountered at the last general elections.
They KNEW the truth.
They were unwilling to counter fact with fact and so they reached deep and hurled sentiments.
Anybody but… taa!
The painful thing in all this, is that we don’t learn. History is just a “weurd”, © Kemi Adeosun, so we are going through the motions of repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
Now, it is an Atikulated Nigeria that we are going about hyping.
I don’t understand, is Nigeria a pure water factory? I know that Nnamdi Kanu frequently refers to Nigeria as a zoo, but are we a farm? Please what is rhe difference between a farmer and a rearer of 150 impotent cows?
Why do we have to keep doing this to ourselves?
Do we not have people better qualified to lead Nigeria out of this mess?
Kai my people!
Why are we like this?
We repeat these same mistakes because we refuse to divorce sentiments from facts.
We see evidence and fact laid out before us, but we need to invite Uncle sentiment and ask his opinion. And you know that Uncle Sentiment is the Queen Bee of drama, don’t you?
Anyway, as we prepare for the 2019 elections, let us keep it in mind that nothing has (or will) change.
Pretty soon, we would have to dig bunkers from where we give our opinion on the state of the country.
Because we decided to give up an effective system for a “catch am, put am for prison” style of governance.
Catch am, put am for prison.
And the excitable Nigerian masses will applaud.
When you look like you want to get tired of clapping, they will catch another big man, and put am for prison.
One day, you will be tired of clapping, then you will complain.
Catch the complainant, put am for prison.
Then your people will ask kwelshun, catch the kwelshuner, put am for prison.
After all Nigerians, while pursuing PhDs all over the globe, disregarded and discountenanced a PhD, choosing instead to vote for an Indian film director.
Plenty plenty action with little to no substance.
Now, the wailing is from every angle.
But my people, we will repeat the mistakes of the past, the distractions have already been set in place and I am sorry to say, our eyes have been taken off the ploughloooooooooong ago.
It is evident in all we do, that come 2019, we will ignore facts again and come up with all sorts of excuses for why we will still vote anyhow-anyhow.
But in the interim, dear Buharists, how market?
How una change?
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