March 20, 2019

Dear Mummy, Your Son is Not Your Husband!!! – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

Dear Mummy, Your Son is Not Your Husband!!! – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha


Dear single woman, I mean any woman who is a single parent, either she is divorced, widowed or even abandoned by the child’s father or left on her own volition, the fact remains that her son is not a replacement and must never take the position of a husband in her life.


Wives suffer because of this thing.


I have heard women call their sons their husbands times without number and I never really gave it a second thought till I was exposed to the things that some mothers-in-law put the wives of their sons through. Men do not do this.


ALSO READ: Divorce is bad o, but I love it – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha


It is creepy actually.


Imagine a man calling his daughter his wife or competing for the role of ‘man in her life’ with her husband. Men stay away.



Mummy, who is dragging this with you?


When some of these women no longer have husbands, they latch on to their children, creating havoc in their path.


A mother-in-law once faced up to her daughter-in-law (DIL) after staying for over a year in their house for no particular reason.


“He is my son. He paid for this house. I gave birth to him. He sucked these breasts. I can live here permanently and there is nothing that anyone can do about it.”


This is a woman who does absolutely nothing in the house. The son’s wife cooks and cleans up after her. She does her laundry, cleans her bathroom and toilet and gets zero assistance from the MIL (mother-in-law) and yes, she does not even baby-sit. But because her husband is the son of this woman, the wife must care for her indefinitely without asking how long she is staying and without complaining.


ALSO READ: My father was a man – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha


I have heard of MILs who are busy tying together the tails of foxes to cause confusion in the homes of their children.


Some of them watch like a hawk what their sons do for their wives. They are jealous when the men care for their wives who in their opinion never deserve anything. Because they gave birth and raised their sons (single handedly), they remain the most important person in their sons’ lives…in their opinion.


If you throw in infertility, the mixture becomes wild. Cases abound of MILs forcing DILs to have scans so that they can see for themselves that their wombs were not destroyed by abortions. They will keep tracking periods and restating how there is no infertility in their family.


Indeed, some DILs complain about a steady stream of criticisms.


MILs pretend that their sons were perfect children that never ran all over the place of kept toys on the floor. Their sons had perfect grades and never gave them any trouble. They imply that the rambunctious nature of the grand-kids come from the DIL’s family or her inability to train the kids properly.

ALSO READ: I don’t like men in skinny jeans – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha


“Love her like your mother.”


This is what every son keeps telling his wife.




This is what the DIL thinks but never says anything.


When I started having kids, my mother (who had eight by the way) suggested a number of times the things I should do.


But I was stubborn and I researched all her suggestions. In fact, I remember telling her one day that she had raised her kids without any interference and she should let me raise mine. My mum shrugged and started calling me ‘internet mama’. She was not offended by this. She would still suggest but she would let me make the call on whether or not to take her suggestion.





“Your husband that I gave birth to and sucked my breast for two years, I did the same for him. You think you are the first to give birth abi?” She will emphasize this point by holding her breasts and jiggling them.


Some mothers-in-law will go to her daughter’s house and cook non-stop but when she comes to your house, she will be served three times a day and you will be interrogated if you put just one piece of meat.

ALSO READ: Madam, do you check your husband’s phone? – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha


Her son is never wrong. You are the witch that causes every single problem in his life. You will be blamed for every single thing your kids say that is off.


“Ehen. God knows what you are saying behind my back. The children are picking it. Anyway, my God is alive. He has never failed me.”


All because your four-year-old forgot to greet her when he came back from school.


Some days it feels like you are the second wife. She is the first lady and you are a subject willed to obey without complaint.


A lot of men have dreams of taking care of the mothers when they can afford to. That is fine. Can they just not do it under their roof? There is no reason to ask your perfectly healthy cantankerous mother to live with you.


You see, when the husbands are being magnanimous, they never consult their wives and they never care for the parent hands-on. It falls on the wife to do this or she does not love her husband. How many husbands are left to care for the wives’ fathers?


There is an argument that the wife would care for her mum if her mum lived with her. If the mum criticises her constantly, cooks up situations that put her in a bad light, no woman would want her.


My mother was very considerate of my marriage. She never stayed beyond a week, even when I gave birth. She never placed any expectation on me or my husband to buy things for her. She never came empty handed either. She did not open her ears and eyes looking for opportunities to eavesdrop.


Also, I knew whatever happened, she was on my side and rooting for my happiness. Mothers rarely burden their daughters. The same MIL that would raise dust in her son’s house will lay low in her daughter’s place.

I have talked too much.

In conclusion, your son is your son and not your husband. You are not the queen of his life. Accept this. Respect his wife and her position in his life. It is not a contest and there should be no rivalry. Visit briefly and go back to your house. Don’t go to another woman’s life and ruin things for her. If you miss having a husband, open your heart to love…from another man or from Jesus.


Your son has a woman already.


If you are a good mother-in-law, this does not apply to you but help us talk to your friends….


Lilian Osigwe Editor

A Creative and Versatile Writer.  
Currently writes for SabiNews Media

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  1. Olufunso Owasanoye

    Good write up. There is urgent need for re-orientation concerning this issue for both parties involved, also way forward pre marital counseling must involve parents of both bride and groom.
    Majority of women have “this my son” mentality, forgetting they have daughters too.

  2. Obinna

    Eh! But what about the men who sit in one corner while their wives are being terrorized? You no get word for them?

    I believe that the quality of a relationship between a MIL and a DIL is wholly dependent on the man joining them together. He should be able to ensure they get along well whenever he is around.


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