Oh thou partisan Nigerian neophyte with a tear rubber PVC, are you not amazed yet?
Less than a fortnight to the presidential elections, and other elections at that, kindly look around you at the events that are going on everywhere, and you will see why we are where we are.
Politicians o, political parties o, otimkpus o; all na the same ten and ten pence.
And do you know the worst part?
We are all trying to pull out this tiny speck in our neighbour’s eyes while lugging around a huge beam of timber in our own eyes.
First, it is the battle of the campaign ground ‘crowd’ pictures.
Every body who has some experience in campaigning at any level whatsoever, knows that the crowds at campaign grounds are “j’olly good fellows,’ or to put it in our kind of English, dem no get camp.
They are what we call ‘Anywhere wey belle face Nigeria Limited.’
Most of them would go to campaign grounds for the free t-shirts and fez caps which may be the only new item of clothing they would purchase until the next elections.
If they are lucky, they get pure water and some snacks to consume and if they are not, at least they will be bussed to and from the venue of the political rallies.
In any given crowd, at any given rally, the total of hard core party loyalists there present, are less than 10%.
The rest of them are just there to gauge whether this politician is more ‘serious’ than the other one that came yesterday.
It is a situation where seriousness = wetin you carry abi na only you waka come?
So anytime you see people arguing over crowds and showing pictures of empty stadiums, just bear in mind that those pictures were taken while the seats were being set up, and the bus load of humans were yet to be trucked into the venue.
The same people wearing Atiku t-shirts and running wild, would remove those t-shirts and put on the Buhari one to go and see wetin dem dey share for that side.
My crowd is bigger than yours?
Next, we begin to imagine that ‘God’ was sending subliminal messages to us on whom to align with ahead of the forthcoming elections.
When the podium collapsed under the rotund and well fed bellies of the PDP big wigs who wanted to suffocate it to death, the APC camp let out wild yells of glee as they surmised that it was an act of God condemning the PDP chieftains for 16 years of looting, bla bla bla.
No do, no do, this Nigerian ‘god’ whom I have always maintained must be a cross breed between Sopanna and Loki, the gods of small pox and mischief, since you never see its presence in anything good for Nigerians, decided it had had enough with poking fun at ndi afo ukwu na afo onu samanja ndi PDP.
He then took a detour to the APC camp with its chosen target being the highly diminutive, spiritual embarrassment called PYO or Star Boy.
Fiam, the weight of all the atrocities this man of God had been committing while playing politics became too much for the poor helicopter to bear, and crash landing was the only way out.
As expected, the PDP peeps saw the ‘hand of God’ in the matter.
While APC peeps who, a couple of weeks earlier, were seeing the hand of God in all sorts of misfortunes, turned to emergency philosophers – complaining about how people were not ‘mashoor’ and so on and so forth.
Las las, the god of Nigerians just needs to stop meddling in partisan politics; or choose a camp make we no classify am too under ‘anywhere wey belle face’ political sombori.
The funniest of these political confusion we are facing now is this insistence by the pro-Biafran revolutionary turned political mole, the Igbo first born son of Supreme Abiama – Mazi Nnamdi Kanu – on meddling with the Nigerian elections.
It is funny.
Nnamdi Kanu, the Shabbat Shalom, claims to be a Jew, one of the lost tribes of Israel, and leads a lot of misguided Igbo youths on a confused quest for acceptance by the Hebrews of Israel, who mock him with thinly veiled sarcastic barbs while they interview him; then go ahead to produce unfunny short clips of people in black faces, mocking our dearly beloved Supreme Leader.
So, this confused apparition of the once loved revolutionary, is not just satisfied with being un-Nigerian alone; he also wants to drag everyone into this ‘foreigner’ cess pool with him.
First, it was “Buhari is Jubril and needs to remove his cap”.
This was an assertion as wild as they come, one of the most silliest that has ever been made on the face of this earth.
And while we tried to plead for caution, the Atikulated PDP otimkpus nearly bit our ears off.
We told them to be wary of the kind of support they give to these mad rantings of a desperate ex-rebel turned partisan mole; and that the target was not Buhari but Atiku.
The aim was to play the distraction politics to make PDP peeps think that MNK was on their side; until a couple of weeks to the elections when his ultimate plans would be unveiled.
The Atikulated crew felt we got it wrong, and any fire under Buhari’s bum bum, however misguided, was a good thing.
I wish I could take a brief detour and tell you all how we found out, too late though, that the ‘boycott erections’ chant in the East during the Anambra elections, was MNK being a willing pawn of the party in power to buy him another four years on the seat.
Maybe, then you all would have understood how those of us who wailed the loudest at MNK’s disappearance were shell shocked when he appeared where he did and when he did, and started attempting to pull the ‘boycott erections’ stunts again.
Here we are today.
The ‘boycott erection’ is not working, so now, a couple of weeks to the elections, MNK is trying to pull his biggest stunt ever.
Atiku Abubakar is now Al’atiku Al’Camerooni from Cameroon, and we need him to take off his trousers so that we can check whether there is indeed a tattoo on his bum bum.
Again, distraction politics.
You all should be able to see it now, even if your PVCs are still smelling ‘mint mint’.
Everybody has forgotten the ‘off your cap’ of the Buhari (Jubrilu Al’Sudani) saga; and are now focused on asking Atiku to pull off his trousers.
APC is gloating, PDP is running upandan looking for ways to counter those wild claims.
Meanwhile, February 16, the same day of the general elections, is the supposed Biafran referendum day.
Hands up anybody that still doubts that this reappearance of MNK is nothing but a plot by the Federal Government to cause distractions in order to perpetuate a second term in office for Mpa Nnukwu, the Unaware – Baba Four plus Four?
See these your tear rubber PVCs?
Useless pieces of plastic, but ndi wokist children of social media will come and yell at me now; so let me face my front and find some other work to do.
Let me also add that karma will be brutal to you, MNK; you betrayed the cause.