Dear President Buhari,
Social Media Naija is agog at the moment because we have finally been informed of your formal intention to run in 2019 (actually, social media Naija is also agog because of Professor “wee wee do it onlay faif taims”, and some other Facebook Feminists and Igbo men profiling sturvs, but na you be President so let us dash you number one position on #FacebookTrendingJagbajantis sturvs).
So, Nigerians are wondering, who is chasing you / what are you running from, and where are you running to?
All tough questions I know, but I will attempt to help them answer (on your behalf, you don’t need to thank me).
Who is chasing you?
1. The souls of the unarmed Igbo youths you decided to baptize “terrorists” even as all they were armed with were bibles, flags and prayer books. You sent in armed men into the South East under the so-called operation Python Dance 2. They killed unarmed Igbo youth (five percenters to you, Sir), simply for expressing their dissatisfaction with your mode of relegating them for simply being of the wrong ethnicity.
2. The souls of the murdered shi’ites. Your Chief of Army Staff dealt with the Shi’ites that blocked his path and we tried to understand, despicable as that behavior was, and then you followed them home hunting them down to their houses, and killed hundreds of them, throwing them into open graves, arresting their leader, and holding him incommunicado since then.
3. The souls of the victims of the murderous and rampaging Fulani Herdsmen whom you and everyone who has ever spoken about this government insist are foreigners; yet refuse to either take decisive actions to rein them in, unleash the security forces on them, or allow the poor victims who are dispossessed of their farmlands to defend themselves.
4. Everyone who has ever committed suicide out of depression at the way you have destroyed the economy in less than three years.
Matter of fact, the list of the people who are chasing you is plenty, but I don’t want to make this a very depressing update.
Fellow Nigerians, hope this answers the “who”?
What are you running from?
Responsibilities. I mean that one is quite easy to answer. Never has Nigeria experienced a more mobile “buck” than since you became President. Try as hard as it might, that buck has blatantly refused to STOP at your table, as you keep pushing it aside and shoving it off, Mr. “Unaware”.
While Nigeria burns under your watch, you are not aware of anything; have not given permission to anybody; and do not even know who these people are that keep referring to you as “President”. You just want to be allowed to go back to Daura and go and watch your 150 cows refuse to mate and/or procreate.
2015 Asset Declaration Form – 150 cows.
2019 Asset Declaration Form – 150 cows.
Meanwhile the Nation is on auto-pilot, while the Fulani Herdsmen are trying to assert themselves as the present authority; a heaven bound pastor who deputizes for you has made 180 degrees about face and is now facing the opposite direction from heaven; and your social media otimkpus are jumping ship one after the other.
What is chasing you? Your clueless, bumbling, incompetency.
Where are you running to?
Me thinks Daura should be the best port of call, but there is this unresolved issue of Jubrin AlSudani. Is he you or are you he? Who knows? We have heard rumors that the real Buhari is on life support somewhere in London and his doppelganger is somewhere in Aso rock.
I don’t smoke harmful substances, so I don’t know what to believe.
All I know is that if I am asked, you should be running towards the ICC. That (in case you didn’t know), is a ten Michelin stars rated hospitality institution, that caters to retired and retiring Presidents who were caught playing ludo with their citizens’ lives in power.
Trust me, they will be happy to have you stay a few decades years days with them, and you will be treated just as you deserve in their facility.
Whatever else you do, do not run FOR anything.
Especially for President of Nigeria.
Nigeria cannot survive a second term with you, you finished us over the duration of your first tenure as president. If we allow you a second term, we will be completely finished!
So please, we are very comfortable with you running from whatever is pursuing you? We have fully endorsed that you need to run from all the sins you have committed against humanity in Nigeria. What we do not endorse, is any race that has anything to do with State House Abuja, in 2019.
PS: Before anyone wants to drag me back to reality, this is to let you know that I KNOW for sure, that Buhari will run and win the 2019 elections. I mean, let us not delude ourselves okay? But a girl can dream, right? And also remind him that we know what he knows even though he thinks we don’t know that we know.
PPS: No hate speech was expended in the writing of this article.