March 21, 2019

Dear Random Nigerian Men – Is That How You Treat Your Wives At Home? – Viola Okolie

Dear Random Nigerian Men – Is That How You Treat Your Wives At Home? – Viola Okolie
Dear Random Nigerian Men on Social Media,
You know how we all would be randomly exchanging words and ideas on social media on a wide variety of issues and then suddenly (gasp)a  woman would have the temerity to open her mouth and express opinions that you think are not only unconventional, but which a woman should not deign to utter simply because you did not expect her to be that intellectually alert?
Question: why do you all, rather than  focus on the topic at hand and attempt to de-construct her position using superior argument and reasoning, prefer instead to resort to the whiny “is that how you talk to your husband at home”?
I don’t know, I may be the only one who thinks that this is the most stupid(est) question ever to have been uttered by a male son on this side of the universe, but just in case you think it is not and are about to argue (I won’t ask you if that is how you argue with your wives at home o, make we no quick fight); permit me to break it down small for you.
When you see a random woman along the road, do you stop her and just say to her, “Bia nwanyi a, take this N50,000 and go and cook a pot of egusi soup. Cook it well o”? Aside from the fact that you all are always seen on any poverty-glorifying thread of women who claim to have made a pot of soup including snails, goat meat, fish, etc. with only N500 so we know you consider N50,000 for a pot of soup as being too profligate, but do you do that with any random old woman you find along the streets?
You don’t?
Okay. Do you see any woman walking on the road and say to her, “heiss, go and lie down on that bed there and remove your lappa. I am coming to collect one mouth”. You know how Nigeria is, if you are caught, you will wear a michelin tyre ring around your neck las las. Would you approach any random woman and attempt to make out with her and make love to her just because she is a woman and you have a woman like her at home?
So why is it that you assume that every woman you meet on the road must act like the one you have subdued and caged at home? Why do you go around demanding “respect” from random women you meet in random places all around the world simply because you assume they have a husband or father somewhere they respect?
Do you think that the men in their lives are respected ONLY because they possess a male private organ?
Do you?
Next time you stop and want to ask a woman, “is that how you talk to your father,” please consider the following: that woman respects her father even when she feels he does not deserve it, because he contributed the sperm that produced her, nurtured her mother through pregnancy, paid hospital bills for delivery, ensured his mother-in-law who came for omugwo was properly settled; bought diapers and baby food, paid school fees, paid medical bills, attended school PTA meetings, bought handouts, followed her to go and fight randy lecturers, paid for other “miscellaneous” expenses and probably footed most of the bills for a marriage and/or wedding.
That is why when she sees her father, she goes down on her knees in greeting.
The man tried and is probably still trying to ensure that his daughter feels the effect of a father figure in your life.
You, how many of all that I listed above have you done for the particular random woman that you have the temerity to ask her: “is that how you talk to your father?” Are you her father? Taaaaa, si ebe ahu zuzu puo osiso.
Now husband – “is that how you talk to your husband?”
Do you still need me to break down for you how stupid those words are when they emanate from the lips of a full grown African man who ought to know better and leave childishness for minors?
Everyday, you all gather on social media to complain and grumble about bride price and marriage list and all sort of things then when you finish complaining, you have the temerity to look at a woman whom another man has ensured he did all things necessary to satisfy her kith and kin in order to obtain their consent and permission to marry their daughter and expect the same respect she accords her husband to come to you?
A random cyber human whose only claim to fame is his third leg?
You must be high on whatever it is those people who are issuing decrees and sharing territories all the way from Israel are high on.
Listen to me and ensure you understand this and understand it well: a woman you have invested nothing in and on and whom you do not know from Adam, does not owe you anything whatsoever. She does not owe you respect, she does not owe you an iota of submission, she should feel free to talk when you are talking, talk louder than you and even shut you the eff up when you are yarning okpata.
You are like any other random human that she meets along the way, especially one who decides to leave their own lane and jump into hers.
Before you demand respect from anybody, you must make sure that you have invested enough into that relationship to merit that respect.
If I were a man and I stumble upon a random man asking my wife “is that the way you talk to your husband at home”; maka chi, there would not be enough body bags to hold your pieces when I am done with you. My own wife? Wey I suffer marry, dey submit to in the middle of the night, dey manage because of make trouble no burst and make I get peaceful home, dey provide for, dey plan with, dey build future generations with? Then you – random nonentity – would stumble upon her and be asking her what?
Quick question: Are you her husband? What have you done for/with her that makes you think you deserve the same amount of respect she gives me? Thunder…
It is not hard – if you will not treat any other woman exactly as you treat your wife just because she is a woman; then you should not expect any other woman to treat you exactly as she treats her husband just because you are a man. THAT – is some very terrible juju at work. A combination of Kemi Adeosun and Buhari economy-managing techniques and you know where that left us now, don’t you?
So in conclusion, all you random men, just learn how to mind your businesses and face your fronts.
And before you ask a random woman for as much submission or respect as she gives to her husband or father; make sure that at that point in time where you are asking for that respect, you have invested as much as either of those men into the life and relationship you have with her.
Because in case you don’t know, some absentee fathers don’t even get one chinkini of respect from their children; and some single mothers with husbands who are alive, eating, breathing and living with them under one roof; no dey send the man from here to there.
Respect is not determined by your genitals at the time of your birth, they are earned by your actions, reactions and investments in the relationships you create with people around you.
Gwazie nu ndi yard unu.

Lilian Osigwe Editor

A Creative and Versatile Writer.  
Currently writes for SabiNews Media

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