I arrived home unexpectedly.
I was on an official assignment and was supposed to spend a night at Abeokuta. We finished early and Lagos is just a few hours away. I got home almost 9pm. My husband was not back yet, his car was not outside. I knocked on the door and my nanny opened it. My jaw fell and shattered on the floor… well not quite but you catch my drift; I was shocked. She was wearing a pair of black cycling shorts with a spaghetti top. Her long hair was well combed and resting on her shoulders. WHO IS THIS?????? I almost shouted.
You see, this would have been the first night she would spend alone in the house with my husband. My brother in law lives with us and was out of town for an official assignment too.
I did not call to tell her I was coming back.
She did not ask who was knocking.
I had never seen her in those clothes in the 18 months she had worked with me.
She was visibly shaken and stared at me for a while. So me, sharp mouthed moi, the aunty of comebacks and quick quips was stunned to silence.
She went into her room and tied a wrapper around her small but well-shaped derrière. I carried my tired mummy body to the room. I no fit chop sef.
She had opened the door expectantly, she never expected it would be me.
What was this girl planning?
She had never been home with my husband and kids just like that, let me say that it is not by my design. He leaves before me and comes back home after me. We sleep in the same room and are together on weekends. The one time I travelled without them, my kid sister came over with instructions. I do not stalk him o, I am just vigilant.
These nannies sef! No wonder my neighbours thought I was crazy for bringing such a pretty sexable girl to my house. I just wanted an adult I could entrust with my kids after school before I come home. I never worried about all the possibilities. I don’t believe that men should be monitored and if you feel like he has a roving member, then you are in trouble already. But the thing is sometimes things do happen. Picture this.
Hubby has had a particularly tiring day. He slept only four hours the previous night. He had tried to ‘relax’ with madam but the woman kept slapping his hand away. In fact he had fallen asleep with his hand inside her nightgown. After facing at least 3hours of traffic, he drags himself out of the car and knocks on the front door. There ‘Ekaete’ is (not real name). She smiles shyly and collects his knapsack or briefcase. She smells nice, her hair is touching her shoulders (the last time he saw madam in the morning she had removed her weave and left the plaited hair with bits of black thread standing, she was brushing her teeth with a wrapper tied around her chest.). Ekaete then glides to the dining room and arranges food on the dining table (madam would have dumped it on a stool in front of the TV). Ah!!! Delicious birra (bitter) leaf soup with eba! As he reclines on the couch with shirt untucked and belt unbuckled picking his teeth, Ekaete with span-able waist (spanning madam’s child birth waist requires his arms, but with Ekaete, na his two hands go reach.) keeps walking to and fro begging to be devoured. See ehn, even a Pope will consider chopping and cleaning his mouth and cleansing his heart with some Hail Marys later. The last time madam wore shorts was in 2009 sef. Who go blame him?
I never said a word to my nanny. I didn’t send her away. But, I slept with my eyes wide open and out of state trips were outsourced. I no fit shout.
Jennifer Garner is apparently livid at Ben Affleck’s rumoured affair with their former nanny, Christine Ouzounian. Beautiful, accomplished, celebrity Jennifer o! What is wrong with these men sef? When you can hunt in the vast jungle, you come home to slaughter chicken. And you think no one will find out. I am not saying he is guilty but well wow, there was a picture of them together after she had been fired. This is Jennifer Garner o! So what chance does Abiodun Oluwayemisi Abiona Liyop Cassandra Nkwocha nee Kuforiji stand?
I once heard of a woman in our estate that had shapeless uniforms for all her maids so as to discourage Oga, but apparently, Oga’s experience could decipher if what was inside the gown was promising. One of her maids ended becoming wife no 2.
My new nanny is pretty (the old one left by herself), she wasn’t when I brought her from the village but now she is. I do not worry about what could happen, neither do I wonder (as I used to) why there were more women in prayer meetings in church than men. Dangerous situations require dangerous prayers.
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