I hear it is the season of prophecies. If you believe me shout “Ahlay looo…”
One of my first encounters with a prophet (and prophecy), was walking into a compound one day and meeting someone who kept staring at me as I made my way up to the door. Those were the days when I had my “A” game! No be now when some things are pointing southwards and some others need a post code all of their own, that time then, I was nwa baby, Baby na sugar sugar, tomato jos…
So, as I walked up to the door, he looked at me and signaled me to come closer. I was in a place that was almost like home, so I felt comfortable enough to go close to him and place my hand in his which he held out. He clasped his palms over mine, looked deep into my eyes and proclaimed:
“You will meet a tall, fair and handsome guy. When you find him, hold on to him”, his grasp on my hand tightened, “and marry him. He will be your husband”.
Ahhhhhh! Husband! Correct. That of course is what every Nigerian woman lives and hopes for. A husband by force by fire.
You know, if I had taken note of the fact that said prophet was tall, fair and handsome, and that his eyes seemed to follow me every where I went throughout the duration of my stay, and that somehow-somehow, he always found an opportunity to corner me somewhere with some words of advice, or encouragement or prayer – all of which were always enhanced by moments of hand holding and deep penetrating eye gazing, I would not have spent a greater part of my life searching for, and failing to find, said tall, fair. handsome man, who was not a first grade arsehole. Na so life be!
Errr, this is the cue for all you tall, fair, handsome men reading this (or if you know anyone that fits that description), to send in your resumes. We are recruiting.
Anyway, i also had another encounter with a prophet, this time a woman. I guess that should make her a prophetess…
Her: That thing which you plan to do, do not do it.
Me: Which thing?
Her: That thing
Me: Which of the things ma?
Her: That one
Me: But there are many things I plan to do now, Ma you need to help me out here..
Her: You know which one
Me: But I do not know now that is why I am asking you to…
Her: Do not kwelshun da spirit of da rod!
You see gbege ba?
This was in spite of the bible passage, 1 John 4:1 that states clearly: “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone into the world”.
A little birdie told me that prophecies are flying around like the arrows of the Buzu Maigardis in Nigeria. Everyone is rushing to jump into the fray and release their own prophecy before the amnesty on prophesying expires. Conveniently, this season has tied in with election fever season and the madness is gradually reaching to hair-tearing fever pitch.
Not to be left out, here are my own prophecies for you all on election day…
“February 14, 2015 will be Valentine’s day. On that day, Nigeria will hold their polls. If you believe, you will wake up in a good mood that day but if you scoff at this prophecy, all your village juju will congregate around your bed and haunt your dreams. Some of you will go out and cast your votes. The others will claim to be neutrals and sit at home and watch the Kardashians heckle Kanye into losing his blackness. For those of you that go out to vote, some will vote for the defending champion, President Goodluck Ebeletimi Jonathan and the others will vote for Old Soja Whotshisname. At the end of that day, the winner shall be….
…One of them”
Thus saith da spirit of da rod!
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