July 21, 2018

Every woman needs a vibrator by Viola Okolie

Every woman needs a vibrator by Viola Okolie

So, you see the mature, single woman and you think to yourself: “Lonely woman. She needs a pr*ck more than ijebu garri needs sugar. Imma go offer myself up to her and she will swoon at my feet and worship the ground I walk on.”

Please.

Stop.

Rewind.

Your brain might be in serious need of an urgent reset. What in layman’s term is called “hard booting”.

You see, the mature single woman has probably been there and seen all that. She is most definitely the wrongest woman you can plague with all that your “I be oga, your lord and master” crap.vibrators_keepsake_box

As things stand, na she be oga, lord and master in her home. She picks her bills, arranges her home and braces up to challenges, some of which might boggle your mind if you were just told about them, never mind experiencing them.

God bless you if the one you have chosen to infest with your superior attitude is one who has also achieved beyond just being a mere presence. You would need a very small receptacle to carry home what is left of your ego when she is done with you.

Yes, you can sneer and say, “A woman without her man is nothing”, and that sentence would only make meaning to you because you were probably sleeping during punctuation classes. Here, let me help you rearrange that: “A woman. Without her, man is nothing”.

See what I did there? So you should indeed be glad if she stops long enough to allow you get past the first “hi”.

Not every woman needs a man to “validate” and “complete” her.

You know what every woman needs? A vibrator.

vibrator

I tell you ehn, that thing is a godsend. Never disappoints, always on time and all it needs is a good clean and it will be right as rain.

No arguments. No bickering, no quarrelling, no side babe issues to cry over. No “shoulda, woulda, coulda”. No donning of sunglasses to hide the occasional black eyes. There would be no pandering to every whim and caprice because he is THE man, no struggling to maintain appearances because a good woman builds her home bla bla bla.

Seriously, a mature, single woman is probably missing just one thing in her life, and that is the drama. And she is definitely going to be wary of people who bring drama, attitude, male ego, etc.

Last I checked, attitude, drama and male ego were not an assurance that bills are going to get paid.

My brother,  men passah n’ogbe. When the bible talks about 7 women fighting over one man and so on and so forth, it is not just anyhow kind of man o. Those ones are a dime a dozen and there is no lack of them.

The ones whose brains are lodged in between their legs.

I can bet you that even right now as we speak, the men whom the bible referred to are very few and far between. The ones who would bring that much needed 5 letter word to any relationship.

No, not p-e-n-i-s…  V A L U E.

So, when next you see a mature, single woman and think you are about to offer her your dangly so and sos for which she should be eternally grateful, pause and ask yourself: “I sure say I dey carry the right thing wey this woman need?”

Tenkiu’

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3 Comments

  1. okey Ajah

    “A woman. Without her, man is nothing.” #Truism

    The attitude some of us pack into relationships makes it a bit of a heckle for so many. And I’m sure the stereotypes come out of these situations. Going into a relationship with an air of ‘lord and master’ makes the whole thing a lie from the start.
    But I’m glad ladies are dishing out as much as they are given (if not more ( these days). Everybody don shine eyes already.

    Reply

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