Getting Freaky: How dangerous is masturbating with a vacuum cleaner?

Getting Freaky: How dangerous is masturbating with a vacuum cleaner?

A teenage boy is full of raging hormones and has exhausted the list of household items to put his penis inside.

The teenage boy decides the suction pipe of the vacuum would be the ideal next step. Teenage boy’s sexy machine-BJ dreams are then shattered by a feature in the vaccum to keep it unclogged; a spinning blade just inside the pipe.

The likelihood is this story was an urban legend which was re-popularised when Chuck Palahnuik’s 2001 book Choke came out.

Early on in the novel, the narrator speaks of urban legends, saying: ‘In the 1950s, a leading vacuum cleaner tried a little design improvement. It added a spinning propeller, a razor-sharp blade mounted a few inches inside the end of the vacuum hose. ‘Inrushing air would spin the blade, and the blade would chop up any lint or string or pet hair that might clog the hose. At least that was the plan.

‘What happened is a lot of these men raced to the hospital emergency room with their dicks mangled.’ The reality is that these vacuum cleaners did exist, and one German doctor did his PhD thesis on this very topic, presenting cases of men whose penises had been mangled by a certain brand of cleaner.

One article in the British Medical Journal in 1985 listed five men who’d found themselves inside a vacuum cleaner, all with disastrous consequences.

The particular model that seemed to be a common denominator in this entry had blades 15cm inside the hose, which is what caused the damage. You may notice from your current model that – while present – the blades are much further inside the appliance than any penis would be able to go. Read more

 

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