Cont’d from yesterday…
It was obvious that I had made good progress in life. I was looking healthier, happier and more relaxed. I had also mended my relationship with God which had been severely rocked by that short but turbulent marriage – it was hard for me to believe that was God’s wish for me and most times spent in prayer was spent weeping and wailing and asking God to do “sontin before sontin do me.”
When I severed the entanglement however, I was able to worship God with a free, open and happy mind.
I had a meaningful and happy relationship with God.
I wasn’t just going to church and fellowships to go and complain to God, the pastor, complain in prayers, pray for my husband, blablabla…
I don’t know how to describe this, but when I went to church now, I went to worship – it was glorious.
When I went down on my knees in prayers in my room, it was an awesome experience.
When I needed to ask God for something, it was always for something useful and tangible and I saw measurable results that added value to my life.
In short, alleluia somebody?
So running into that prophet again, it was glaringly obvious that this was not the sister Viola that was a prayer point for everybody in 2006. It was obvious that this version of me, was glowing and flourishing. The hand of God could be seen all over me, only the blind would argue.
And then to my amazement, this “prophet” began to apologise.
I should be able to understand with him, he reasoned. “I hate divorce”, that was what God said in His word. So he felt that by dissuading me, he was aiding the word of God. No, the Lord did not send him that year. Just like Uzzah the son of Abinadab, he was only stretching out a hand to help steady the ark of God.
I should forgive him.
Lol, I sha laughed.
Oga, I have no issues with you and your asking me for forgiveness shows how ignorant you are of things of God still. You didn’t offend me, you offended God.
You stretched out a hand to help Him steady the ark.
But for His grace, He would have struck you dead in an instant.
Go and make your peace with Him and ask Him for forgiveness, I have nothing to forgive you of.
I wish I could tell a grand story of what happened to the prophet afterwards, I can’t. I didn’t hear from/of him again and that should be that.
But sometimes, what we regard as “prophecies” are just intelligent deductions even you and I could make if we applied a little bit of sense, and followed local and international affairs as keenly as we could.
We were all here when a woman was predicted to be the next President of the United States. It was an intelligent deduction that barring all unforseen circumstances, was bound to happen.
Feminism and the pursuit of female inclusion was on the rise. America as the bastion of liberalism was bound to stamp their hold on it firmly by ushering in a female president, not to mention that Trump was abhorred by all except the deplorables.
These same deplorables who remained largely in the woodworks like the almajiris of Kano, quietly bidding their time to make their presence known, aided and abbeted by the old boys club of the electoral college who were a bit reluctant to let the skirts into the top rungs just yet.
Enter the “woolman”.
Who else is not aware of Pastor TB Joshua and his “prophecies”, most of which are cleverly tinkered with after the fact to make it seem like he had seen it coming?
Pity he didn’t see the collapse of his church and the resultant deaths coming – yes, I went there – I am still waiting for evidence of one prophet in the Bible who was kept in the dark of any impending doom to himself or his family.
They all got the revelations, sometimes even down to the minutest details of how it would happen.
Of course none of them ever predicted a woolman would ever be King of Israel so… *shrugs*.
Oh, do we talk about Daddy Adeboye and his vague prophecies? Sometimes, I wonder what people are waiting for and what all the hype and build up to the release of his prophecies are all about. Because after all that tension, the prophecy appears and you start hearing philosophical posturings such as:
“2017 will be a year of surprise for Nigeria. And surprise can be a double edged sword because it can mean one thing for the children of God… blablabla”.
Well, Daddy GO, breaking news. The surprise of 2017 no be here and it meant the same thing for everyone. Children of God, children of Buhari, and the Association of the Dead In Nigeria – ADIN.
All of us surprise join.
The sane surprise o, nothing remain.
Bet you didn’t see that coming? Just hazarded a guess that since this Buhari government can like to fall hand anyhow, make we just ready to view cinema.
Of course then, all their “gaffes” would be attributed to you as fulfilment of your promises – you warned us that there would be “surprises for Nigerians” after all.
Well, let me add my own prophesy join your own – 2018 will be a year of surprises for all Nigerians. You ain’t seen nothing yet. Somebody shout alleluia?
You see, before I concede prophecy to any of these gods of men involved in guesswork based on current affairs in the world, I would concede it first to the meteorologists who say to you, “expect a hurricane of this force/magnitude. It will pass through such and such a place and this is the amount of devastation expected”; and it comes to pass.
Who commune with God pass who go fit predict mother nature?
“Expect sun till about 3 pm and then there will be snow for four hours. Expect two inches of snow, dress warm, blablabla”.
And then THAT too comes to pass – exactly the same way.
Predicting short term political events, socio economic events and stuff like that are at its best – intelligent guess work and at its worst, a scam of the highest degree.
You can ignore most of these gods of men and listen to the political pundits discuss world events to make a more informed decision concerning your own plans for the year.
I mean, look at Apostu Suleiman’s drag list for 2018.
Tell me one human being who has not been watching the growing faceoff between the Orange Man of the United States of ebenwa, and the mad man of Pyongyang, with growing trepidation?
Who is that person please that does not suspect that this might be the year Americans troop down to Nigeria to seek asylum from their war torn country? Especially after hearing Kim Jung Il declare that “his finger is on the push button and they have the entire America in their nuclear sights?”
Beht, you will not listen to my prophecy now that there might be war – third world war – if the two mad men don’t calm the fuck down before things spiral the heck out of control, and send your “daddy offerings” to me o.
I mean, read through his drag list of 50 predictions, and you will know that the man is an ardent follower of the Nigerian side of Facebook, and black twitter.
Oh and he also follows CNN – which year has there NOT been a wildfire outbreak in the USA?
Seriously, these con men need to take a break and go and study the prophecy paroles in the Bible and then settle down and ask God to use them. To reveal to them so that they too can be useful to themselves and their generations and stop being a spiritual embarrassment to the Lord.
But nothing tickles my funny bone like a “Man of God”, pausing long enough in his “prophecies” to remember a tasty tidbit he must have caught during one of madam’s obsessive binge watching of “keeping up with the kardashians”.
Don’t ask me how I know she is a Kardashian airhead fanatic, anyone that can release that dancing video she did with her obviously reluctant husband; must be a fan of Zeeworld, Telemundo and the Kardashians.
Enter prediction number 44: Kardashian family – topsy turvy in 2018.
First off, you mean we need a prophet to tell us that? Poor Kanye can’t wait for the topsy turvy abeg, those women ruined him and his career. They topsy turvied him out of oblivion.
Second of all, wait. Just wait. God paused long enough while delivering these prophecies to Apostu Suleiman to add the side bit about the Kardashians? What, God is a fan of the E channel? In spite of the language and nudity and whatnot on that Channel? Wait again, looming war between US and North Korea; crisis in Libya and Iran; superlative crisis in Nigeria with rapture already happening as the dead rise to respond to Buhari’s roll call; suicides upandan; people losing jobs and livelihood; the economy squeezing life out of people and God pauses long enough to insert a warning about the Kardashians?
Think about it biko.
Moses and the Ten Commandments and in between commandment 7 and 8, God pauses and says “Oh you know what Moses, tell Miriam I don’t like the colour of anklets the dancing girls use in the temple. They better change it to purple, red clashes with my migraine. Better still, make that commandment number seven and half.”
Seriously, you can only come to one conclusion:
Apostu Suleiman’s god is a god of trivialities.
Oh. And the church protocol department better arrange some “abroading sturvs” for him to take his mind off daily missionary sex with madam and forced music video appearances dancing round trees.
Quickly please, before he releases another round of prophecies for Fifty Cents, Pasuma Wonder and Nikki Minaj.
Praise thy rod?
PS: Let me end all these by saying to you, that you actually do not need to follow these gods of men and lap up their very words like it was gospel itself. Sometimes, we contribute to the pressure they come under to display their buffonishness.
You are a god – go and check your Bible, yo!
YOU are all gods, sons of the Most High.
If YOU ask God, He will reveal to you – one on one.
If YOU then make a request from Him, He will answer you – one on one.
If YOU have any grievances and you table them before Him, He will reason with you – one on one.
I am not saying you don’t need your apostus and daddy GOs o, nehi. All I am saying, is that the barrier between YOU and God has been torn down and YOU have the grace now, to approach the throne of mercy DIRECT with your requests, supplications and thanksgivings.
No toll gate between you and God.
If only you will read your Bible and worship your God, not your gods of men.
Praise thy rod?