Perhaps only five years ago, a typical courtship (or at least what we see in movies) between a man and a woman would have read something like this:
Guy spots girl, she’s the most beautiful girl he has ever set his eyes on. He makes his move, gathers up his courage to chat her up and finally ask her for her phone number, which she scribbles on a piece of paper.
Later, he calls her up, reminds her who he is and asks her out on a date, perhaps to a coffee shop or an ice cream parlour. Here, they get to know each other and find out each other’s interests. If they click, they go on to a second date and magic happens and, years later, they are narrating the story to their children.
Their grandchildren, however, do not relate. As it is in 2017, the script is already being turned upside down.
Enter dating and hookup apps. Technology that is has ushered in an era of algorithmic coupling and changed the art of seduction among the younger generation that is now attaining the dating age.
The ideal situation would be that only the tools of the narrative would have changed. Boy still meets girl, only on cyberspace. He still chats her up only via text or video call and he still gets her phone number or permission to private message (PM) her and asks her out on a date – or gets her consent to PM her privately at a specific time.
But the truth is that more young men could be using dating and hookup apps as a crutch to avoid getting out there in the real world and win over potential mates.
What is their current state of seduction?
Seduction has gone digital as dating apps become ubiquitous. There are a lot of young guys who cannot talk to women face to face. They rely on online messaging to make an impression.
They belong to a generation that has grown up digital, with cell phones in their hands since their childhood, so for them it’s natural to date online and create connections through their devices.
But are the women from this era taking the bait?
It is no doubt that dating and hookup apps have distorted the art of seduction because they have trained men to gauge potential lovers in a macro second by “swiping” and expecting instant connection.
To many women, seduction boils down to little things such as buying her a bouquet of flowers, opening doors and pulling out chairs for her while out on a date, not tapping on a small screen and expecting a magical connection.
By instinctively reacting to photographs rather than taking the trouble to talk to the women and get to know them, the younger men are choosing dates based on sexual attraction and airbrushed beauty.
A spot-check reveals that this category of men seem to ignore the little things that matter at the beginning of any relationship. Many are driven by the desire to engage in a short-term sexual relationship or a no-strings-attached relationship but very few women feel the same.
Beyond the initial physical spark offered by dating apps, there are other things that ensure a long-term relationship, like two-way communication and trust. Unfortunately, these have been discarded in the quest for instant but superficial connection through hookup apps.
Women prefer men who can commit to establishing a long-term relationship even as they commit to the seduction process. Despite the online connectedness, many young men are ironically disconnected from women as they are unwilling to put in the effort required to seduce a lady with the aim of establishing a long-term relationship.
They don’t scratch below the surface. They make quick judgments of women with information that is highly edited by the women to portray themselves in the best possible light. It comes out that some men are too timid and choose to have fantasy online relationships with multiple girls where they never meet, but simply trade messages. This puts the women in an awkward position, as they have to be careful not to demand to meet the men to avoid coming off as desperate.
Online dating has increased pressure on men to put up appearances in order to lure women, hence promoting fakeness. Just like women, men perceived to be ‘hotter’ get more likes on social media and receive more messages in their inboxes. Unfortunately, such physical attractiveness is usually short-lived. Eventually, when you meet the person offline and other not-so-good traits froth to the surface, you start looking for an exit route.