In Lagos, rumours are so cheap that every second, one flies about and before you know it, it is taken as the gospel truth. In fact, one of the easiest things to do in Lagos is to spread rumours.
Do you remember that time when the Tinubu and Ambode drama started and everybody, including their daddies, had a theory about what happened?
Yep, that is Lagos for you. Rumours spread here so fast and before you know it, you can’t even tell what the original story was.
So I saw something like that for myself sometime last month. I was on my way from Obalende to Ajah (this is such a cruel journey, by the way). I was too broke to call a cab, so I had to do ‘Danfo’ (this is not forming o).
I got into the journey during the peak traffic period – 6 pm, if you know our Lagos very well and by the time we got to Osborne, some mammy water and aliens were on the road too (this is the only logical explanation I could think of because of the choking traffic that had engulfed the whole of Lagos)
For every minute that went by, the bus would move half an inch forward or sideways. Soon enough, there was no inch for the bus to even move and the driver turned off his engine.
I thought, dear Jesus, is this how I will get home by midnight?
But the good thing was that I had a window seat (yes, seat by the window guys, if you are ‘traveling’ within Lagos during peak hours).
I had my face out of the bus trying to see why we couldn’t move anymore.
Just then, something happened – the door of a Danfo ahead of us fell off its hinges and crashed into the car beside it. (The bus was too close to the car anyway).
I don’t know how it happened but the bus conductor was injured; it seemed he tried to catch the door (as per Superman) and the metal door sliced his palms. Unfortunately for the bus driver and conductor, the car their door fell on and smashed the windscreens, belonged to some ‘Force’ people.
I didn’t see any uniforms as they were dressed in normal clothes but from the way the men got out of the car, I could tell these were ‘Force’ men (One survival sense you need in Lagos is to identify ‘Force’ people immediately you see them. It does not matter the force they belong to, just identify them early enough to avoid stories that touch).
The conductor started pleading with the occupants of the car, brandishing his bleeding hands and it was even the men who asked him to tie the cut so he wouldn’t bleed too much. Both the driver, conductor and even passengers started begging the ‘Force’ men.
The men sighed and got back into their car and after a while, the traffic cleared and they zoomed off. That was what I saw with my eyes. But guess what my bus driver saw?
“Eh! This bus don jam soja motor o!”
I was like wait, what?
“The bus dey try enter the other lane na’em e jam the soja motor”
“You no see how the soldier flog the conductor hand tear?”
His conductor said “yes I see am o! I see am.”
Everybody in the bus started to strain their necks to see what happened.
“Soldiers wicked o; why dem flog the man like that?”
“They didn’t flog him, the bus door fell off and cut his hand. I saw it now,” I told the man beside me. Of course, nobody heard me.
We got to the spot the accident happened and there was a bit of blood on the road and someone said;
“Ehya, see as them flog the man sotey him blood full ground.”
Again, guess what I heard the next day? People were talking about the poor bus conductor that the ‘soldiers’ flogged along Osborne road because ‘dey scratched their car small’.
Anything you hear that happened in this Lagos and you don’t see an actual video or photos and you don’t hear directly from the original source, please dismiss as fake news. In this place, rumours spread faster than wildfires.