March 01, 2017

I should mind my business, abi? by Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

I should mind my business, abi? by Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Sometimes when I pass offices or commercial buildings i.e. shops, bars, restaurants etc. etc I wonder who had the idea to start the business. Maybe it was born out of a personal dream or passion. Or maybe there was cash and so a market survey was done and business established.

Anyway, here is one way businesses start that I found ‘interesting’.

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So there was once an MD of a federal government parastatal. He was about to retire and had a lot of property and businesses to keep him busy. He liked girls, this guy. And I say girls deliberately, grown women reminded him of his deeper life greying wife who liked to wear Ankara Iro and Buba even when they travelled to the UK. If it was cold, she would wear a turtle neck sweater inside the Buba and wear tights and thick socks underneath the Iro. So this MD liked girls. Orobo or Lekpa did not matter so long as they did not have flappy underarms that clapped when they walked. He travelled a lot and his wife did not like going with him, all the ‘waka’ was too much for Mummy. She would stay at home praying against his enemies and conducting fasts to ensure he never had any accidents on the way.

pot belly 2

 

The MD was in a town with one of his regulars. She was a decent girl that was in her final year at University of Ilorin. He did not like the brazen sex hawkers, he preferred the decent school girls and corpers that did not have standard prices for various degrees of fondling or asked for upfront payments. This ‘decent’ University of Ilorin girl was engaged and he was completely supportive of that. After all, with all the prayers ‘Mummy’ was praying for him at home, he was not interested in bringing in another wife. He would even tell his small girlfriends that ‘Mummy’ was the key to his success; his resident ‘mamalawo’. He took care of his student girlfriend and she was happy with his generosity that she even pretended to be attracted to his shiny bald head, protruding stomach and barely visible shriveled testicles.

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One day, they were in Ilorin town looking for a hotel to spend the night in. Unfortunately, every hotel was completely occupied, it was raining potbellied ‘daddies’ as though they had some sort of convention that weekend. In frustration, the girl poked this MD in the chest (Which ‘mummy’ can never try by the way, even after 40yrs of marriage.) and said “Honey, come and open a hotel in this town now. After all you are capable.” And voila! The ‘poshest’ hotel in Ilorin was born. The MD retired and the hotel was his best investment ever. He was so pleased that he brought his friends for the girls wedding (she had now graduated and finished NYSC.) they generously sprayed her and her groom with dollars and pounds. He was introduced to the groom as her ‘Uncle’ from her father’s sister in law’s cousin twice removed. The now retired MD presented the happy newly wedded couple with the gift of an all-expense paid week in the honeymoon suite of his hotel and the groom was so grateful that he prostrated belly and forehead on the floor for his wife’s ‘Uncle’.

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And there you have it folks. Just another way businesses are conceived…

Girls run the world. True Story. Not in Ilorin though. Forgive me for saying testicles

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Radi8
InnJoo Reborn

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2 Comments

  1. Olayinka

    Just yesterday, this really nice and calm man from work who used to give me a lift home decided to make himself at home in my house by taking me to my gate and inviting himself in. He further placed an interesting proposal on the table by being as ‘blunt’ about it as possible; for me to be his girlfriend. A married man who is supposedly an Assistant Pastor in some church. I suppose I should say yes, maybe the car I’ve been planning to buy may just materialize.

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