I want to cut off my left breast – Viola Okolie

I want to cut off my left breast – Viola Okolie

Everyone of us knows at least one woman who has risen up in the face of challenges, stood firm and solid as a rock, and laughed that challenge to scorn in such a brilliant and awe inspiring manner.

My mum is one of them and I can’t stop talking about her.

Widowed at a rather young age until whuich she had led a rather sheltered existence as my father had been the ultimate provider and “head of the home”, my mum took a long look at the hand fate had dealt her, and gave life the middle finger.

Against ALL odds, she brought up four well rounded adults and one scatter brain (keep the applause low people, I don’t like to show myself anyhow in public).

But I am sure there are a million and one of such stories, if you probed hard enough, you would find people whose mothers were willing to lay down their lives so their children could have a different life from that which they had lived.



I heard another inspiring story the other day, an unschooled and unfettered petty trader who decided all her children would have the benefit of an education. Her antidote to life’s issues was: go back to school and get some more education.

From her petty trade of bush meat and allied stuff, she raised as many PhDs as were interested in having that appellation after their names – all her children hold at least 2 degrees, all financed by her.

Of course I am aware once again, that there are millions like her all over the world.

I will take a commercial break at this moment to raise one leg up for those mothers that fly by night. After all according to African folklore, witches exist and since these witches are almost always old women, it stands to reason that some people’s mothers fell out of the wrong delivery chute.

Okay o, leaving our mothers out of it, there are women – young, old and middle aged – achieving and setting standards for achievement all over the globe.

In entertainment, science, technology, development, activism and governance, women have set out to prove they are an equal match for the menfolk, and in some instances, have set the bar so high, the men folk are still searching for ladders.

There are women, even here in Nigeria, who are taking the task of keeping Nigeria free of insurgent rats very seriously – and that, not from the comfort of their living or bed rooms. Not keyboard warriors, but real life GI Janes who are ready to pay the ultimate price so you and I can buy N100 worth of megabytes, power up our cheap gadgets and rant on social media: “what is our military actually doing to curb insurgency? They are all clueless and incompetent, sack them all!”

These living legends exist ALL over the world.

But there is a bigger symbol of bravery that we all should rise as one and give a standing ovation. And this is what s(h)e achieved…

S(h)e cut off his prick, tucked the edges in and voila… a strong, courageous woman emerged!

That is what it takes to be Glamour magazine’s Woman of The Year!

When next you are pep talking your female children into aspiring for greatness, after you have padded your own life story to make yourself seem like superwoman and reach for other sources of inspiration – look no further than Bruce Cat.

Forget the raspy voice, the features that a million surgeries cannot soften and the obvious fact that he is probably reacting to years of being in the same space with those Kardashian women; and hold him out as a role model for young girls.

Ignore the fact that a million and one men have quietly gone under the knife before him, and were not serenaded by the world – he has the ‘x’ factor.

He is a “road model”.

Ladies of the world, while you moan and grown with monthly cramps, survive the intensity of childbirth to still go through the process at least one more time, and do all this while holding down a job in or out of the home front; a man hacks off his penis and steals your collective thunder.

Who says it is not a man’s world after all?

Okay, all that you just read above was the politically incorrect me.

*switches on my political correctness juice*

Ahn ahn, you guys should stop beefing the Bruce Cat na, live and let live.

*back to mode*

Now, I am inspired by the Bruce Cat and think I can be anything I want to be and what I have zoomed my sight on, are the Times and GQ’s Man of The Year Award.

See you guys later. For now, I am off to cut off my left breast and get that doctor that practices under Nyanya bridge to use the skin from my breast and one or two muscles from my buttocks to sew me a penis!

Ladies of the world beware! Men, quake in your boots.

The Universe’s Most Courageous (abi na courageousest) Man of The Year is loading…

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  1. IK

    She still has a penis. Caitlyn has not yet (unwisely) had the sexual reassignment surgery done. And please, don’t cut off your left or right boob. I am certain it looks rather nice on you.

  2. Bukola

    Whilst I clearly got the sarcasm and the message the writer sought to pass, the glaring lack of in depth research is surprising. A factual error as a result of this was spotted by IK. Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner has not undergone gender reassignment surgery. Also, she alluded to the fact that being around the Kardashian ladies probably made him turn. No M’am. Proper research would reveal that he had been exhibiting before his marriage. There was talk about a hushed scandal in the early 80s when someone discovered his suitcase of wigs and dresses. I only pointed these factual errors out because the premise of this article/the title is therefore flawed. You don’t need to cut off your left breast for a penis just yet . For now, settle for testosterone hormone replacement therapy, get a hair cut, a new wardrobe and a stylist. You may “pass” as male and just get that award…


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