July 17, 2018

Nigerians are now investing in death? – Emeka Nwolisa.

Nigerians are now investing in death? – Emeka Nwolisa.

Last week I started the  series on the uniquely only in Nigeria things.  I twale-d for Oga staphylococcus  and  was to continue the twale-ing and hailings of that Ogbongelicious entity when I chanced on the Investors in death concept  propounded by a friend.  Today  we would explore this uniquely  Nigerian attribute. It is strange but very true.

Like the saying goes…Warri no dey carry last . This time though I would rather say Nigerians no dey carry last.  In most other countries and places, people invest in the living but in  Nigeria we would rather gladly be  investors  in  death. Dr  Cyprian Umeugokwe on his Facebook wall clearly articulated the concept of ‘Investors in death.’ Truly Nigerians are Investors in death .

People now seem to make pathological calculations when an aged relative is sick. To be or not to be, becomes the question.

Why spend so much trying to keep the relative alive when he or she might still die in spite of the money spent in providing  medical care and attention. No one ‘sees’ the huge sum spent, no hailings for the money spent from  neighbours and ndi yard. So why not practice masterly inactivity and simply adopt the barber’s chair philosophy which involves motion but no movement.  Any request for intensive  medical  tests and procedures  as well as medications and drugs by the attending physician is tactically delayed. This is all in an attempt to save money to organise a befitting burial when the inevitable happens and  the ailing  relative departs and goes the way of all mortals. Ighotago now!

The burial would  then be  planned  in a manner to achieve months if not years  of bragging rights. Multiple uniforms and  asoebis, acrobatic undertakers,  the rave of the moment  musicians and corperate caterers are all part of the mundane and macabre  dance.  But then like Umeugokwe stated  ‘You kill cows, the dead do not partake in it. Souvenirs….the dead do not take any to the pearly gates. All the dancers, Asoebi and cooling vans….they do not notice.’ What then is a befitting burial for one who had  not  lived a befitting life.  But then , this is Nigeria and one of the uniquely  only in Nigeria things.

And then the matter of Ambulance…..the Webster dictionary defines an ambulance as ‘ a vehicle equipped for transporting the injured or sick.’  Ambulances were first used for emergency transport in 1487 by the Spanish and became widespread by the 1830s.

In Nigeria, wetin concern fish and raincoat or agbero with overload. 8 out of 10 ambulances on the road, blaring sirens and seeking for right of way are carrying corpses. The logical question becomes….where dem dey rush go?  The finesse, tushness and shape of the ambulance also tells its own story.  A man  or woman who all their life never entered an SUV can now  courtesy of  family and friends go home in one as part of their investment in death.

Sadly , the dead  just might  have stayed alive if the money  spent on hiring  the ambulance alone had been made available for his or her medicare.

Truly Nigerians no dey carry last……… All you investors in death  leave  this your penkelemess and borrow small sense.!

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