Is that not how I was minding my business by Pearl Osibu

Is that not how I was minding my business by Pearl Osibu

…I swear, I was, when one article strolled across my line of vision, written by one Jerome (no surname) in Vanguard Nigeria. I realized later it was written and published elsewhere as far back as September, 2011. I doubt very much this individual has had cause to repent since then. But who am I to say. A lot can change in a minute and people grow up. However, let me dwell on that which I did read. WHY MEN ARE NOT EAGER TO GET MARRIED TODAY.

jerome sign

I was intrigued, not because I was particularly interested in the subject, but because it was written by a man. Lord knows I’ve read much too much about women telling other women how wonderful a thing marriage is, I thought, hmmm, a fresh-ish perspective. I was (am) also interested in whatever arguments people put forward in today’s age in support of marriage because truth is lately, I see quite a lot of articles assuring us that the institution of marriage is out-moded and redundant and many times, I find myself agreeing, especially when marriage is constructed along archaic, old-fashioned lines, and words like submission, usually directed at the female are flung about.

Or perhaps, I might as well admit, I was just bored.

My reasons don’t matter; I started reading. The article began well enough, citing finances as a chief source of concern. This annoyed me since the writer just glossed over that point and left it hanging. Finances how? Is it the financial implication of the marriage ceremony, particularly in the African context? Is it the financial burden one partner brings along with them, where the other is supposed to take responsibility for the needs of a full-grown adult of perhaps equal financial status? But I neva start to vex. He hurriedly concluded the matter of finances with the statement, “ That makes me realize we may not have prepared our men enough for marriage to help them understand what measure of blessings are poured down on the man who chooses to take the bull by the horn and trust God enough to go into this institution ordained by God himself.  I am yet to see anyone who consulted God before getting married and didn’t pull through …” blah blah blah.

Sigh. I supposed that was my cue to stop reading. I mean, I was just recovering from a similar article I had just read where Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde attributed her nice figure to prayers ‘My dear, it has to be prayers o, because I cannot diet to save my life.’ But no.


The writer cited his first unnumbered reason for men shying away from marriage being their having small penis(es). I didn’t know this was such a huge problem in our society. Luckily, this time again he choose not to delve into this issue. I appreciated the restraint.

He now proceeded to take us through his (meticulously numbered) reasons;

Men can get sex without marriage more easily than in time past. He went on to assure us that women were so promiscuous nowadays , offering sex like ‘no man’s business’ (his words) and concluded by this piece of wisdom, ‘when women come to tell me how their husband was caught in adultery and seek my opinion as per if they should leave him, I also reassure them that most men who commit adultery these days don’t go out looking for the ladies, that the ladies seem to be everywhere, making themselves available since they are just there, not to be chased but to be taken and dropped.’ Phew! Terrible terrible women everywhere. Poor, unsuspecting men, unable to help themselves, unskilled at evading these wanton women who throw themselves at them, unequipped to rise above their base and very human nature.

Women, why are you like this? Do you not watch Tom and Jerry? Do you not know that your whole allure as a person is in being caught like fish in a net or rat in a trap? How dare you fling yourselves at men and break them against their wills with your devilish charms? You realize many of the men have wives at home right? And yet, you wrap yourselves around them like boa constrictors, how can they escape you?

The writer concluded the point by stating, ‘ when men realize they can get all the sex they can get without getting married, they just don’t see the point getting married.’ So I ask women again, do you not know that the whole point of marriage is so the man can finally have sex with you? And that if you give him that one thing that he cannot get without the ring, well, there is nothing left to give?

He listed several more points including cohabitation, avoidance of (inevitable?) divorce and its financial implications, marriage requiring too many changes and compromise. He also managed to derisively discuss the concept of men waiting for a perfect soulmate (tsk tsk) who has not yet appeared.  He left us with his phone number and other contact information, asking that we contact him for the full package (personal coaching, relationship coaching and matchmaking).

These are the people we are giving audience; that we are allowing dictate the conversation on marriage in our society. And we wonder why marriages in today’s world, with all the changes in social structures but insisting on trying to maintain the illusion of tradition, are in trouble.

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Image courtesy the author.

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