There is a law that mandates each citizen of the world to think and behave like celebrities.
No, I am not kidding.
Check our constitution. Right after the part that says once you are famous for any reason or no particular reason you are immediately a role model.
I am a law abiding citizen of the world. Luckily, the constitution is very clear that we are only allowed one celebrity to tailor after. Changing role models is a lot of paper work and highly discouraged.
So guess who my celebrity role model is?
Ngozi Okonjo Iwela?
Am I climbing the ladder right behind Sis Agnes?
Or am I begging to be extradited like a former minister?
It certainly isn’t Toke, I am still dark skinned.
My celebrity role model is (drum roll please)
What is not to aspire to be like about her?
It first started when I was living in Ogudu with my husband.
I was in one of those in between places where I was lost because my role model had died…
I was flipping through the channels and EUREKA, there was this really cute woman wearing a lycra onesie singing against ‘kele kele’ love.
I connected with her there and then. Hummers never impressed me. They are big, ugly and cumbersome cars (sleek Mercedes Benz vehicles, however….)
I also have been known to be able to hold a note or two. I am dark skinned and on a good day, I speak with a nondescript I-have-stayed-abroad-English accent. I may be a few tiny hundred pounds heavier than her but weight can be lost.
So we started the long journey of life together. Of her not knowing that I exist and me hanging to her every word.
When she joined Don Jazzy, I was ecstatic and did the best thing I could do without actually stalking. I followed the Mavin crew on all social media platforms. We became family.
I followed everything with delight. Do remember that her song “Tiwa Tiwa Tiwa Tiwa” where she rocked that short iro and buba and had her hair plaited backwards? I did it too. My husband thought I looked horrid but it was worth it for her.
I could not recreate her Dubai wedding because, well, I got married years before tgen. But I hen pecked my hubby into a budget version trip.
When she became Pepsi brand ambassador, I placed a ban on Coca-Cola products in general, in my house. It was difficult because you know Pepsi tastes… meh at best. But we did it.
Her pregnancy threw us out of sync because I did not know immediately and I had a little toddler at that time. But I was glad she gave birth to a baby boy and I have since added a baby boy to my family in honour of her.
The most trying period for us came suddenly. I had no idea what happened in her personal life before then. You can imagine my joy when she tied a scarf and snivelled into a hanky as she dished out intimate details. I cried alongside.
When people said she was wrong for coming out, I was upset. And as her role modelee, I supported her completely. Tee Billz was a douche bag. A good for nothing man. I swore that WE would never reconcile with him.
Why did I not separate from my husband then? Izz complicated. But I was watching him extra closely and any rant on instagram would have sent him in the direction Tee Billz went.
Then my role model threw me under the Bus. She blind-sided me and reconciled with him.
I admit that it was awkward but I rolled with it. I rearranged my thinking. Reconciliation takes super strength. And I am sure at the end of the day, love won. So I followed Tee Billz back on Instagram and we were cool once more.
She is not a difficult celebrity to model after, I admit. Imagine following Toyin Aimaku…
So my darling Tiwa was caught up in a storm recently. I must admit I was taken aback by what she said. I always assumed she was the head of her home… you know… being the bread winner and all. But when she said it was Tee Billz, I did the difficult walk of humility and went home and handed my husband his crown and throne… I gave him head!(don’t dwell on this folks…)
And now I am puzzled by the uproar. Unless you have dedicated your life to living and thinking like Tiwa, why are you so upset with her? If your role model is Chimamanda then why are we even concerned with what Tiwa said?
Is she your role model?
We that are modelling after her are fine with what she said.
Is it easy to feed and clothe a man and his child with a super career that sometimes includes dancing with belle for supper and STILL see the man as a head?
It is not easy being Tiwa, I should know.
Leave us alone.