Let’s give God a break, o by Funke Phillips

Let’s give God a break, o by Funke Phillips

Sometime in January last year I read this story of a family in Imo state that lost a member. Instead of these people to grieve the way normal people grieve, they decided to get in touch with a pastor who told them he would be able to resurrect their brother. They believed him and exhumed the body of the deceased man. A corpse that had been buried for weeks already. After praying, dancing and chanting round the exhumed corpse for hours, they finally came to the sad conclusion that ‘brother don really die true true o’.

When I first read this story, I almost died laughing. You see, the pastor or prophet or seer had told the family that the chap would be resurrected by 12 noon. After plenty prayer, singing and shouting and the man still remained dead they shifted it to 3pm. When the 3pm mark passed, they shifted it to 6pm. By 6pm, the man was still dead. I guess the only sane one amongst them got tired of the charade. Anyway, the police was called and the seer and his cohorts were hustled to the police station. Apparently, money had exchanged hands for this “resurrection miracle”.

celestial image

Why is it that when religion is concerned commonsense seems to go on a long vacation? You hardly see the two co-existing. One has to ‘give chance’ for the other. If that isn’t the case, how do you explain the above scenario? We all miss our loved ones that have passed on but why would a pastor tell me he wants to resurrect my dead brother and I’d agree to exhume his body? I’ll tell the pastor to go and resurrect every dead person in his own family first then he should come back and then we can talk.

Most Nigerians drop commonsense at the door when they encounter religion and they hardly ever pick it back up. A man was molesting his infant daughter and the comments ranged from the silly to the downright crazy. They were advising the mother of the child.

“Sister, my advice is just put it in prayer. Relax your mind, calm down. Don’t expose your home. God will sort everything out. The man needs God’s intervention”

Ridiculous, right?

Religion drives us cuckoo. That’s why after struggling for years to get a job, you finally do then you tell your boss you need time off every Monday morning because you have to be in church. Some of the major problems affecting us in this country stem from religion. Boko Haram for one. The crazy traffic on Lagos-Ibadan expressway every first Friday of the month for another. I’d think of more. Give me time.

My friend’s house is sandwiched between a mosque and a church, she has no peace. It’s a competition of who can scream the loudest. What religion are you propagating if your neighbours can’t have peace due to your loudspeaker screaming? Waste of bloody time.

We have decided not to do anything by ourselves again. All we do now is outsource everything to God. God this. God that. Jesus, do this. Allah, do that. Nobody wants to take responsibility for anything anymore. Everything is God’s fault. Like the married pastor that cheated with a female member of his church and somehow it became God’s fault for giving him a higher level of grace. You are pregnant, having a 4.8kg baby that is breech, the doctor has told you a Cesarean is the best bet. You refuse to hear of it because apparently you are something called a ‘Hebrew woman’ and God has told you he will do it.

That’s why we so easily fall into the hands of con artists, charlatans and pastors who claim they can raise the dead because we want God to do every damn thing no matter how unreasonable or nonsensical. If we could ask him to brush our teeth, I’m sure we would.

I imagine the Facebook post would go like this…… “If you want God to brush your teeth and you want five million dollars and you want to wake up in a Bugatti tomorrow, type AMEN 200 times”

Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen……………………….

Give God a break o. Let him rest small.

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  1. Kunle

    Brilliantly delivered and shot straight from the hip as usual. While not denying God’s omniscience and powers to change the tide of things, one must also realise that we were put on this earth to a large extent to determine our circumstances and rule over our environment. Like I say, the moment we have basic social welfare and a reliable medical system with good infrastructure, Nigerians will forget God. I know my people.

  2. Ik

    Ure right! As tho infrastructure, social welfare, and reliable medical system have ever cured cancer, depression, drug addiction, and other demonic vices. Check with most civilised countries

  3. Olutoyin

    God bless you Funke for this write up…. Spot on! God wouldn’t do what a man should do for himself…. and it is written in my own bible. …. “my people perish for lack of knowledge”
    People should should be more realistic in their approach to simple issues.

  4. Temitope Salami

    Funke, welcome to the fellowship of the ‘Light’. The temple’s veil is tearing further with this your write-up. It’s good to see more people beginning to ask questions to exit the old, senseless charade called ‘World Religion’. About time!


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