May 29, 2017

Lying is Corruption by Viola Okolie

Lying is Corruption by Viola Okolie

London in four words…

It. Is. Very. Cold…

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Extremely so, and so when you see pictures of a group of old men standing around, taking propaganda pictures in what should ordinarily pass as underwear in this sort of weather, you pause and ask yourself if perhaps the outdoor heating was turned on in the part of town they decided to infest with their presence.

Well, maybe Photoshop. Especially since one of the participants is a ghost, sighted in two different locations on two different continents within a space of a few hours. Mysterious things are happening in this campaign season sha!

This cold can cause plenty wahala o, it can lead a lot of people into temptation (or even lead them astray), and when you bear that firmly in mind, you find it a lot easier to forgive those who do not know whether they are in London for a “working visit”, or to “get some much needed rest”.

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Ok, this is the point where you begin to wonder what exactly is wrong in someone or some people admitting that there is a little bit of mortality resident in their extremely mortal frames. I for instance, in spite of the fact that I am an awesome, fearsome goddess, woke up on my birthday with the chills. I assure you, for one moment there, I actually thought I was dying and had started calling up friends to issue last minute instructions, etc before I noticed that the room heater was not turned on.

Why then is it difficult to admit that a certain god of men is actually wired like his human counterparts and has blood, normal blood running through his veins? Some things are truly beyond comprehension.

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Now, we all have to live with the fact that some people can lieeeeeeee. Chai. They can lie for Africa. And some lie lie newspapers and publications will now understand why once in a while, when we tire of ranting at politicians, we beam our searchlights on them and rant at them. Granted, you have to double, triple and quadruple check everything you read online and in print these days and you are not even paid to be a reporter.

You are simply a highly patriotic citizen, using a Sangsong device with one of those free or nearly free data packages and yet, in the shortest possible time before your data runs out, and with the support of the Oshokomole One of Africa, you can burst lies as disseminated by brief politicians and journos who are more loyal to the brown envelopes and their partisan inclinations than they are to their noble profession.

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Anyway, I think I love this town irrespective of the minus 74 degrees temperature thingie, you can just bundle up to keep warm, then chillax and enjoy the highly gratifying sight of opposition politicians making fools of themselves. We await the appearance of the Phantom of the Opera at Chatham House on Thursday.

We hear the topic has something to do with democracy and we ask, how shameless can an individual be, that after truncating the first democratic dispensation of your country and shamefully being dispossessed of your stolen mandate because of your incompetence, ineptitude and cluelessness, you actually want an international audience to listen to you speak on democracy?

That is like asking a confirmed armed robber to take a sermon on how to live a righteous life.

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Berom people dey call am “fooling yourself”.

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Anyways:

  1. I know there are four words up there, not three. The fourth word is what the French people call “jara”.
  2. APC – Please hire good Photoshop artists. We have been staring at some pygmy legs in the attached picture and have been wondering . . . seriously? Wetin una drink? Abeg sack the learner wey deliver that job.
  3. APC – Fear Fayose! Fear Oshokomole! He is thy exorcist, thy confessor and your jibes and insults are like the fuel that powers him. The more you curse him, the more he is gingered to debunk and dissemble. #Respect . . .
  4. APC – Keep your change. If the change you are offering us is a package of flimsy lies peddled by scam artists backed up with pitiful Photoshop skills, then keep the change. When you have improved your skills by 2019, you can try again.
  5. APC – I say “Stealing is NOT corruption”, you shout and scream and make barf inducing memes lampooning the comment. Now I declare APC the most corrupt party on the face of this earth because of their one million lies per second in the course of this #PictureGate. APC lied. APC is corrupt. Lying is corruption. What say you?

*blows air in mic*

*hands mic over to nearest APC otimkpu*

Oshe!

 

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