If natural hair is a serious commitment, then marriage is an even more serious one, not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly. And once you’re in, there are certain things you must keep in mind. Here are 5 things married couples can learn from savvy naturalistas:
They know what their hair needs
Natural hair needs water. Water is the ultimate moisture, not hair oils, butters or creams. That’s why one of the first things a naturalista buys is a spray bottle. Water is LIFE to natural hair. The other things are applied to seal in the moisture, they are not the moisture. What does your marriage need to thrive? Does your partner crave quality time with you? Do they thrive off your words of affirmation? Do they need you to help more around the house or support them in achieving their dreams? When you both find what pumps life into your marriage and make those things priority, marriage becomes easier and more enjoyable. Sex is vital in marriage but only when it’s sealing in the important things. Without them it tends towards hollowness after a while.
They pamper their hair
Savvy naturalistas know how to protect and love their hair. Is the hair breaking? It’s time to deep condition. Is there a problem with the edges? Hello, Jamaican Black Castor Oil. What do you do when your marriage isn’t flourishing? Wait for the whole front to chop finish? Ah. Savvy naturalistas wear protective styles to reduce combing and manipulation of their hair; they don’t even want to hear. They don’t even comb it when dry (the happiest couples know that the right time to bring up tough issues that need to be dealt with is after proper preparation) and they make sure to tuck their hair in satin bonnets before they sleep. If we gave one-tenth of this kind of attention and care to our marriages we’d see great results for sure.
They don’t compare their hair to others’ hair
Naturalistas who know what’s up don’t compare their hair. They know that each person’s hair is unique in its type, texture and even in how fast it grows. They do what is best for their own hair instead of always lamenting or worse still, trying to do what the next naturalista is doing. In the same way, the happiest couples work with what they’ve got and make it beautiful. They celebrate the uniqueness of their union.
They resist the creamy crack
There’s nothing wrong with relaxed hair; it has its own advantages and can be just as beautiful as natural hair when properly cared for. Returning to relaxed hair is a choice every naturalista is free to make, but it should be a well-thought-out action. If you’re absolutely sure that marriage is not for you and a divorce is what will preserve your destiny and joy, then by all means get one. What you don’t want is running for the relaxer when the going gets tough only to regret it soon after. People who head for the door at the first sign of challenges in their marriage are usually sorry afterwards, so please resist the temptation. Nobody ever said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Guess what your natural hair is going to be when you relax it? Relaxed hair! Once you get a divorce you can’t jump back in the next day, so think things through before you call it quits.
They embrace variety
Natural hair does not have to spell monotony and neither does marriage. If date night is usually a meal at a Chinese restaurant, why not go see a movie at the cinema, or even order in and watch a movie at home? If foreplay is always when you’re lying down why not try sitting up or even standing? Straw curls, twists, puffs, finger coils, Bantu knots…there’s so much to do! Even naturalistas with locs wear their hair in different styles, including the unbelievably gorgeous pipe cleaner curls! Only one style day in day out can get boring, don’t you agree? *wink*
Some naturalistas even watch natural hair videos on YouTube and attend natural hair events where they celebrate all that is wonderful about being natural, and learn how best to care for and enjoy their hair. Why should your marriage be left to fend for itself? Put in the work, reap the rewards. All the best!