Seriously, it seemed just like yesterday we were celebrating the arrival of 2014, yet here we are today, on the very last day of the year.
It has indeed been a “whirlwind, rollercoaster” year, for want of a better way to describe the ups and downs, triumphs and successes, failures and wins that characterised 2014 for a whole lot of us, whether as individuals or as a country. As we stand on the threshold of 2015, and wonder what lies ahead, I cast my mind back to an age old tradition in our family – New Year Resolutions.
If you had that history of gathering round a bonfire on the night of the 31st of December and reeling out to your parents, siblings and in some instances, a collection of interested relatives, your “resolutions” for the coming year, then I hate to be the one to bear such news, but that was your clandestine induction into the world of politicians. Making promises to yourself and those who were gullible enough to be around you, that you do not intend to keep.
For instance, nearly everyone I know on the face of this earth has at one time or the other, slipped into their New Year’s resolution: Lose (add a slightly edited version of the actual figure) kg this year; and then proceeded to show how much they did not intend to stick to that by starting the New Year eating all sorts of edibles they could lay their hands on. Trying to exorcise the evil spirit of food perhaps? I don’t know, but after one or two feeble attempts to balance the over indulgence of the New Year festivities with one or two days of starvation (or in extreme cases -dry charges), and after staggering to and from the gym for a few days, we find the convenient excuse of “too much work and too little time”, to abandon both and relax.
And so, that particular resolution should actually read: Add on a few more kilos which would ultimately lead to adding on a few extra inches of my flesh to my already overburdened “Christian Mother” arms.
At some point, we began to get better at simply fishing out the list we made for the previous year’s resolutions and creatively re-arranging the words to imply we had done so well at keeping last year’s resolution, we were simply going to just up the ante on it and push ourselves a little bit harder to perfect the results we had obtained from the last one. So, if for instance your last resolution had been: To lose (insert slightly edited version of the actual weight) kg, a resolution which of course you ended up not keeping, you would modify it at the end of the year to read: To sustain and intensify efforts at maintaining a healthy weight range for my height.
The more nonsensical and vague sounding those resolutions are, the better. That way, no one would be able to pin you to it if you, as expected, failed to live up to them.
I am thinking of reviving the culture with my daughter though, even though personally, I think resolutions at a particular time of the year are just trash and should be binned alongside the habit of suddenly finding your religion on the last day of the year and even then, stepping into church a few minutes before midnight in a bid to “cross over” to the New Year in the presence of the Lord! Really?
Lol. So what happens to the other 365 and a half days you spend in the presence of yourself and your indulgences? Baba God no dey see am? Or the emotional blackmail of a few minutes in his presence at the start of the year is supposed to guilt him into ensuring you do not run into bad luck the rest of the time?
Anyway, I plan to revive New Year Resolutions in my home now and having first hand knowledge of how useless a tradition that is, would tag ours the Reverse New Year’s Resolution.
Here are some of what I expect should be on the list:
1: Add at least 10kg
2: Stop calling my family and friends or at least call less often.
3: Snob the neighbours
4: Do not acquire a new skill (after all, what have you even done with the ones you already acquired?)
5: Try your hands out on all sorts of mischief.
The idea behind this reverse New Year Resolutions list being that since when we said we were going to do something, we ended up doing the exact opposite of what we intended to do or not at all, perhaps we could trick ourselves into somehow, achieving the exact opposite of what was on the list this time around.
Confused? I am too!
See you all next year.
Photo credit: http://eduduet.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/happy-new-year-hd-wallpapers-2.jpg
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