By their toilet, we shall know Nigerians – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

By their toilet, we shall know Nigerians – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

I went to a government office last year and I noticed something. I was passing down a hallway when I saw a sign on a door that said:

Senior Staff Toilet.

Situated in a another place was:

Junior Staff Toilet.

The first difference was that the Senior Staff Toilet was locked while the Junior Staff Toilet was not.

I wanted to urinate so I went to the Junior Staff Toilet at first. As the door creaked open a thick waft of all kinds of body waste hit me hard.

The floor had a puddle that started from one of the toilets leading up to the main door. It was a murky brown colour that definitely contained urine. The sinks were brown and none of the taps were working. There was no provision for water. I could literally see Urinary tract infections lounging in each corner.

I could not use the toilets.

I asked someone and one secretary produced a key and gave me strict instructions before pointing at the Senior Staff Toilet. I opened the padlock and it was pristine. The floor was dry to start with. The taps had running water and there were huge containers filled with water just in case they went dry.

Nigeria was just demonstrated to me.

The people at the top know how to take care of themselves. First of all, they love exclusivity. What is good for them is not good for everyone. They know exactly how to make things comfortable for themselves. From sitting allowances to furniture allowances, no expense will be spared as long as their comfort is at stake. They know what is good and desirable and safe. They ensure that they have it. Their children will go to school abroad, they will fly for medical attention outside the country. Do you know what’s worst? They place a huge padlock on the door of the convenience to restrict access.

The Junior Staff Toilet is an inconvenient Convenience for everyone. It is left open and unkempt. It doesn’t matter if senior staff buy status cars every year, there is never any money to buy Izal for the Junior Staff Toilets.

When the junior staff complain, they are told that there is no money to do this. There is always money to buy Harpic, new toilet brushes and air freshners for the Senior Staff Toilets though. We all shit but the Senior Staff need to be insulated from the stench of their shit.

They need to shit as comfortably as possible. They deserve it because they are the ogas. How the junior staff cope is their business. They mostly use the bush or the females buy their own Izal. Their shit. Their business. What is good for the goose is not good for the duck.

The management has the audacity to place signs that the junior staff are not allowed to defecate or urinate in the bush. They also place signs in the Junior Staff toilets warning them to flush after use. But they will not release money for containers or fix the plumbing.

Don’t be corrupt. Don’t  be corrupt. Yet we watch you jet out of the country to treat headaches.

Yet we see you smiling with your children in gowns and hats graduating abroad.

Yet we see the huge Mikano generators purring in your homes.

Yet we see you demand your allowances and enjoy every perk your corrupt senator predecessors fought for.

Yet we see you give yourselves contracts worth more than our 35years of service salary accumulated.

Do not shit in the bush. Do not leave toilets unflushed.

Yet you will not fix our toilets.

The lucky few amongst us related to you or your secretaries get the keys sometimes. We use connections to have a glimpse of your life. Then we are happy and angry at the same time.

Happy to shit in comfort. Angry this comfort permanently belongs to you.

Fuck you, Senior Staff.

We think you'd love these too...

Related posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *