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Noble Igwe will not make heaven o – Viola Okolie

Noble Igwe will not make heaven o – Viola Okolie

I kind of like the fact that when a fan on Noble Igwe’s instagram page attempted to call him out for putting up pictures of a date night out with his wife, Noble clapped back instantly.

At this point, it is only fair to admit to you all that I do not know who Noble Igwe is, I only happen upon trends and follow social media fights… because I like a good fight with epic clapbacks.

Anyway, the fan asked Noble why he was always putting up pictures of restaurant food. Cant’t your wife cook? The fan asked…

And Noble clapped back: #WifeNotCook and proceeded to trend the hashtag by referring to it ever so often and printing tee shirts and stubbornly putting up pictures of restaurant food so that haters can go and do the needful.

Noble was doing all these and laughing, but he didnt know that such behaviour is a sure sign that he will not make heaven, Stubborn boy – but no wahala, he should just “kontinue”.

Noble-Igwe-1

He married a WIFE to enjoy her and not to have her die turning out meals for him (and probably the family when they turn up).

????? – better pikin! Clap for yasef joor!

This outrage had hardly died down when Pastor E. A. Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God also advised his congregation to *gasp* only marry a woman who could cook – I doubt the microphones caught the bit where he equally advised the women not to marry a man who does not work, let’s just focus on the outrageous bit shall we?

The only biological functions bestowed on the man and woman by nature, are those of procreation and breastfeeding. Every other thing is relative, right?

Good!

One of the things I enjoyed most about marriage, were the complementary roles we played as man and wife.

For instance, I did not fail to deliver meals on time, I loved being in the kitchen. I like to cook. Don’t ask me what the final product tastes like, no one has ever said anything about the cooking being fit for human consumption, just cook it abi?

So I would cook and the day my wife material was well dried, I would serve everyone and happily watch them eat. If my wife material was still hanging outside though, then you would find your way to the pot yourself, but that is neither here not there.

Anyway, one thing I have refused to do, is turn on the generator – even if it has a key. No, that is not the reason why a maiguard is there – I distinctly caught the impression that the man of the house was happy to flex his manly muscles and go and do his bit where turning on the generator, changing a wheel, finding out what that noise in the middle of the night is all about, was concerned.

Matter of fact, one of my fondest memories, was of the car “suddenly stopping” in the middle of nowhere and my calling him on phone to come and check it out.

Yes I had a mechanic.

Yes I had my mechanic on speed dial.

But I was not married to my mechanic now, was I?

And each time I called, he answered. He would drop whatever else he was doing and be by my side at a moment’s notice. And while I drove off in his car, he would remain with mine until whatever the issues were had been well sorted.

#HusbandNotMechanic.

Those middle of the night noises? Since I was robbed, the noises kind of magnified a trillion fold. If someone coughed in the middle of the night, I was sure it was a gun that was being cocked and I would jump up sweating, and panicking. I would wake him up if he was lying beside me, and even if he was out of town, you better believe I would wake him up too.

I would fret and fret and worry until he had done the rounds and checked and assured me that all was well. If he wasn’t home, he would call my cousin in the house to check and report back that all was well, etc…

We joked about the paranoia a lot, but he never had any cause to sit down and define his function in the house as it relates to ensuring safety and security.

#HusbandNotMaiguard

The examples abound and I am sure everyone has as many stories as possible to support their stand on this but my point – some of the sweetest moments of any marriage, are the complementary roles the couple play in supporting each other through tasks that even though they MAY know how to perform, somehow seems more affectionate if the other party performs them and when done without coercion or compulsion but easily as a act of love – makes the marriage relationship better.

I am not even going to talk about the fact that most of the pullbacks on #WifeNotCook are more Nigerian in nature than anything else. Yes patriarchy and traditional roles and all that jazz, but I have seen women in other climes who work as hard as the man and are fiercely independent, not give a second thought to cooking. There are no long arguments over who should cook and how cooking turns the woman into a slave – blablabla.

They just kind of do it.

Sometimes with support from the man, sometimes not.

Maybe you find the man being the one to fix a shelf or the plumbing or take out the trash or something…

He also does it naturally and without complaining.

Today, I put on my generator if I need to or take my car to the mechanic and get up and go and check what that noise is in the middle of the night…

But that is because I am alone.

If I were not, I would happily let everyone gravitate to whatever task they felt happier doing, provided everyone is  contributing financially to the running of the home. For me, it would not be an issue for long drawn out social media fights, let everyone decide what works best for them and stick to it.

Kudos if you can afford to surround yourself with an army of domestic staff who would do the cooking and washing and ironing and the rest of them but what if you couldn’t? What then happens when hunger inevitably strikes at least thrice daily?

Eat out everyday? Or would one or the other have to at some point move towards the kitchen and cook?

If you are a stay at home wife and you are joining to shout #WifeNotCook, it is my humble opinion that you need deliverance.

Strong deliverance.

The type that can only be obtained from TB Joshua and the telemundo cast and crew of the Synagogue Church of All Nations…

Which brings us to the whispered portion of E. A. Adeboye’s advice, the one no one heard, not even the microphones picked it up – do not marry a man who does not (can not, will not) work.

Where is the outrage my people?

Where is the sacrilege?

Was he not “inform”? That this is 2016? Where women are #BossLadies and captains of industries and blablabla? I expected that bit to be as annoying as the “don’t marry a woman who cannot cook” bit, maybe even more.

What is he trying to do? Return us to the stone ages where men worked and woman cooked? Tufiakwa! How patriarchal? How traditional? How old fashioned? What an insult to the menfolk? Why is Daddy GO struggling to reinforce the nineteen gbogboro stereotype of the men being the provider? Who sent him? Mtcheeeeeeeew.

????

See ehn, in all these, I blame the MALE-ilists? Or should that be MAN-ists? Someone please help me out with what the opposite of “feminist” should be.

See these MALE-ilists, they do not know how to fight for their rights. How to agitate for equal rice for human beans. They would just allow the feminists steal the narrative and run with it.

If the women are complaining about being advised to cook, the men should complain about being asked to provide.

Simple…

Yelling about “cooking” and ignoring the “provide” bit sounds a bit like witchcraft to me. Like I have said a few times, majority of today’s women are witches, na broom wey remain for them to fly.

“Kontinue”!

And let me end this by directing this question to Noble Igwe: Eskiss me pliss Sa, do not be offended but when the children begin to arrive and madam would need to do the needful, would it be okay for her to say to a hungry baby, #MotherNotMilkFactory? Or to a crying child, #MotherNotCook?

No?

She would have to cook then?

Really?!?!?!?!

????

You’ve made your point bro.

Thank you.

Read more from Viola

Letter to a Sugar Daddy and Runz Girl – Viola Okoli

Is Davido a good father? Yes he is – Viola Okolie

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