I didn’t find anything fantastic about the new Fant4stic Four movie and on many levels.
First off, before someone reminds me of my age, let me say, I’m a Marvel Comics fan, been so since I was 8years or there about and I have my mum to thank for that.
Over the years, I have nurtured my love for these fictional super heroes, and it’s annoying how while I grew to become an adult these characters never aged, ha! Thanks to all the reboots of these serial fictional characters, serious cheating here.
Anyway, as I was saying, I find nothing fantastic about the new Fant4stic Four. I watched it at the Vue in Westfield, and even though this may not qualify as a review, I’ve formed my own opinion of it. I don’t know why my expectations were high, probably because of this huge, larger than life model of the Thing at the entrance of the cinema hall. I though it cool that I had to select a seat in the hall but cool changed to argh! when I was informed the seats have different price tags with middle seats commanding the highest price. I was silently thankful to Silverbird for not making us pay premium for middle seat. Aren’t we all watching the same movie? At the same time? In the same hall? So I selected the back seats with my excited teenage companions.
The popcorn? Let’s just say Silverbird cinemas take the cake when it comes to popcorn.
The movie, directed by Josh Trank began with Reed Richards scribbling on his note pad, for those who don’t know, Reed is the stretchy character in Fantastic Four; he was later established as the weird kid when his class teacher dismissed his teleporter science project as unreal and that it would never make it in the real world, (typical).
Then the movie makers took us through the dungeons of teleporting or time travel and the physics thereof, leaving us perpetually stuck in the lab with these guys. A few establishment shots would have explained the seriousness of the teleporter, after all, we understood what happened to Peter Parker after he was bitten by the spider in Spiderman.
As a member of the audience, I was eager to see action, the coming together of the fantastic Four, ghen-ghen! How the mission changed their physical appearances, gheghnen! And how they would save our world, gbagam!
The movie became boring too soon and as we moved from character to character, my eyes got heavy with sleep, from Reed Richards, played by Miles Teller, the lonely child who found solace in his parent’s garage then figured how a teleporter works; Johnny Storm, played by Michael B. Jordan, was the only fun person in the movie but ended up being boring when he abandoned drag racing for a lab coat in the research institute for prodigies; Susan Storm, played by Kate Mara, is the white kid adopted by a black father and therefore sibling to Johnny, who eventually becomes the invisible woman; Victor Van Doom, played by Toby Kebbel, is the disgruntled wizkid, who would later become the villain, and Ben Grimm, played by Jamie Bell, is the childhood friend of Reed Richards.
I half slept as these kids tinkered with stuff in the lab and spoke jargon relating to teleporting, gosh! I don’t need this! Imagine this; there were no ahhh inducing mistakes in the lab for instance, no humorous one liners to tickle the audience, no scenery, beyond the confines of the lab and a couple of aerial views, even if for its aesthetic value, no thrill of any sort. These young people totally forgot to love, yeah, super heroes fall in love, recall Superman and Lois Lane, Peter Parker and Mary Jane, these ones just blundered on. Okay, Sue and Reed were attempting something at love but that too was very uninspiring.
I was glad when the movie finally came to an end. Did someone ask why I didn’t leave earlier? I wanted to make sure I got full value for my money, uh huh. That’s how we roll in naija.