Am I the only one who wonders wetin Chrissy Teigen give John Legend chop? What kind of love does a person give to have a song like All of Me written about them, ehn?
The thing about seeing lovers who are hooked on each other and have a fabulous relationship is that it usually looks effortless. The same goes for straight-A students, chart-topping artistes and just about any successful person you can think of. In fact, they often look like they’re just having fun. However, if you’re good at anything at all, you know it takes effort. To have a good marriage, you need to put in the work, but what about a great marriage?
If I’m going to do this wife thing, I might as well be freaking amazing at it, no? I mean, I have a good marriage but the people that have great marriages, do they have two heads? I decided to pay closer attention, and it turns out they don’t.
Great lovers, great entrepreneurs, great students, all have one thing in common: they go the extra mile. To go the extra mile is to do more than is expected or required of you. No student becomes great by studying just enough to pass; no entrepreneur becomes great by doing the barest minimum necessary to keep a business going; no one becomes a great lover by putting in the least effort they can get away with in a relationship. Successful couples know that enough isn’t enough — you should both be doing more than enough.
It doesn’t have to cost money, and you’ll most likely find that thinking up new and creative ways to make them feel like a million bucks is actually fun!
You pay the rent, school fees, and bills, and you meet her sexual needs. That’s good, but that’s doing enough, what’s expected of you. And in fact, just because she came doesn’t mean the sex was good, much less great. Yes you meet her needs, but what if you did more than that? What if you went the extra mile? That text message, that unexpected hug, that unique gift that says “I was thinking of YOU”, that bath you give the kids when you get home before her, the old tablet or laptop you replace before she asks, the brainstorming session that helps her find the missing puzzle she’s been searching for, that massage/back rub… there are a million things that appear insignificant on their own, but give your loved one wings as they add up day by day.
You want him to succeed and he knows it, but what if you actually brought in your organizational skills, research skills, or marketing skills? That free consultation from the woman he loves can mean more than you’ll ever be able to imagine. You cook him a special meal once in a while, but what would happen if you did it more often than that? Like most married couples you have the bedroom routine down: like this, like that, like this, like that, climax! Roll over and sleep, or at best, cuddle. What would happen if you flipped the script and did something deliciously unexpected?
The thing about the extra mile is that it’s not exactly convenient. Most of these things aren’t easy, especially given the pressures we face in this fast-paced world. But it’s that little extra that makes the difference between good and great.
Of course you need passion to energise you, and this is why you must take care of yourself; you can’t pour out of an empty cup. Also, you need to deal with things that drain your joy and enthusiasm. If there are serious issues in your marriage, identify and address them together. Otherwise you’ll be unmotivated and perpetually de-energised. Fix the leaks and preserve your passion.
You may even find that making the decision to love lavishly will ignite the passion you thought was gone, which will in turn fuel you to keep going the extra mile.
Traffic is awful, work is stressful, the kids need attention, you have work targets, there’s money to be made, there’s no electricity…one is tired in more ways than one. And it’s usually the relationships and marriages that suffer in all of this. What if you could change that, and actually draw strength from a delightful, enriching, and fulfilling partnership? It won’t happen by chance. Go beyond the call of duty. Be extravagant with your love.