October 24, 2017

Oya, this how to treat THE OTHER WOMAN – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Oya, this how to treat THE OTHER WOMAN – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

The dude cheats on you with another woman. You do not know her. You find out, who are you supposed to lash out at?

  1. The Man
  2. The other Woman
  3. All of the above?

It is not news when the Wife/Main chick decides to lash out at the other woman aka Side chick. In recent times, this has come to be thoroughly discouraged. Someone wrote out the perfect etiquette book on handling cheating (And shared it with most women without giving it to me.) From what I gather, it says:

Fact 1. He is to be blame and not the other woman.

Fact 2. He made the commitment to you and the other woman owes you nothing

Fact 3. A cheating man will cheat regardless, she does not have to go after him, tempt and force him to fall. He will fall because he is weak and not because she is hot.

Fact 4. Unless he is abducted, tied up and forcefully taken, he has no excuse.

The so called ‘facts’ go on and on. Of all that a woman that has been cheated on has to go through, sparing the other woman is the hardest part.

So I ask, must she be spared?

I used to think that remaining cool with my dignity before the cheating duo was the honourable thing to do but truthfully I am having a rethink. I will not keep calm o.

karmaWhy do these women allow the men to cheat with them? They have the upper hand. Most of the time, they know the dude has a family. And don’t tell me that you do not know. How many single dudes carry that signature well fed waist? How come you never visit him in his house? Why doesn’t he pick up your calls at night? The list of pointers are long enough for us to conclude that if you did not know he was married then you are a dunce.

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Why do you cheat with them?

If you all said no, he would forcefully ply the path of fidelity.

You are not his pastor or police, wetin be your own abi? Na you force am come follow you?

You see there, right there is why I think women need to teach the other woman a lesson in community accountability.

So, if your neighbour’s chicken strayed into your compound, would it be okay to eat it?

“The man owns himself and should be able to know how to comport himself”

Wrong again!

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Tah! After madam carried the useless he goat countless number of times to born his three big headed children (fondly called Episiotomy 1, 2 and 3). After slaving for hours in the sun examining the right cocoyam to come and sweat over a stove for some more hours every day for years. After washing his clothes, putting a pillow over her head for hours to drown out his snoring. After giving him and his children her once proud ‘Bimbo and Bisola’ and watching Dr Rey and dreaming of restoring them to their former glory. After bearing his obnoxious poke nosing family and gritting her teeth through family functions. After all the sacrifices. After all the budgeting and balancing so that the good-for-nothing will take the other woman out to buy shawarma. After emptying her savings so that they can pool together and build a house. SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE WILL SAY HE HAS NO OWNER!!!!!!!!!!!

His ass may be sorry, but madam has fully paid for it.

And if I catch both of una, the committer and the committee… I will remove my dignity and choke both of you! Una hear me so. BOTH OF YOU WILL GO DOWN.

I will not wave the other woman away. I will pin her to the ground till she repents and stops using other people’s things.

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Besides, I am doing her a favour.

By putting the fear of God in her and other women, we are securing their marriages as well.

I am simply availing myself for use as a tool for correction on appropriate behaviour.

If it strays into your compound, pursue am make im go house. That way, nobody chops anybody’s chicken again.

Word goes round; “that woman no dey gree people touch her chicken.”

  • “Oga no o, that your wife dey craze”
  • “Since she beat Justina, Justina no dey fit pronounce ‘S’ again without spitting saliva” and my personal favourite
  • “Oga no o, I dey go church now”

I can just see the HHOF (Holy House of Feminists) turn their noses saying..

“Why would you want to keep him? You will be better off without him”

My dear sisters, I am a hoarder. I like to keep things even if I will not use them.

Na my chicken, na me go kill am chop.

Some will say… “Set him free and rediscover your happiness”

In Africa, it is madness to release a chicken to the wild. We love chicken. Have you ever sat down in an airplane and listened to Nigerians pick their meals? “Chicken, chicken, chicken…” if you hear “Salmon” na oyinbo. So my chicken will not go anywhere. It will simply go from ‘free range’ chicken to ‘caged’ chicken.

Lastly, do not even think the chicken will go scot free. I am just like my mama, the matter will be settled decisively at home. Rat poison may or may not be involved….

Disclaimer: the views expressed belong solely to my Alter Ego, ‘Obiageli Fire’, I personally am a gentle and loving person (flashing a toothy grin)…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. Lucky

    Hehehe….ehhmm, but shey she fit help madam keep and feed the stray chicken before sending it back. After all, na lost but found property. Abi?

    Reply
  2. tara

    I dont know for where Toni and Pj see all this craze thinking women oh. But i dey gbadun una. Ride on, keep am, na yours to chop, cage and kill

    Reply
  3. Yiltong

    Madam hoardeee,
    thank you for the new parlance in local government affairs-committer and committee.
    as for Sabina’s inability to pronounce S, it will help her to save more saliva for pasting stamp to post letters for the cheating babes anonymous society.
    thanks for making me laugh in the library.

    Reply

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