You would be easily forgiven if you thought that Nigerians have absolutely no problems whatsoever. Matter of fact, let me make so bold to say that at least 90% of Nigerians do not have any worries. They just live their lives chillaxing. We are so problem free that we are like the un-official, un-appointed big brothers of the world. Something that we used to call “Ajayi jobless” in our secondary school days.
In a nutshell, someone took it upon himself to translate the bible from English to Yoruba. Nobody sent him, except da spirit of da Lord. That someone, was Bishop Samuel Ajayi Crowther and since then, whenever you find someone who undertakes a task no one has set him to, a task that would probably end up being a thankless one, a task for which the taskee would soon start grumbling about how ungrateful the taskers were for not acknowledging all the “efforts” he put into the task (remember that no one sent him on the errand in the first place); that person is embarking on Ajayi work. Ajayi jobless. That is Nigerians.
You would think that our country is free of disgraceful legisLOOTERS who are determined to bring shame to their country or die trying. They will all go out on a hunt together and when they return from the hunt, disagree on the “sharing formula”. They will fight themselves in the hallowed chambers where they are supposed to sit and fight for the interests of the masses. They will tear their agbada and shokoto to prove to you that they need that wardrobe allowance. They will smash chairs and tables on each other’s heads and symbols of authority will go missing. Then when all that is done and the dust settles, they will look around and say to themselves, “job well done” and proceed on recess.
Meanwhile, you are still paying their salaries o, they will still continue to draw jumbo pay but they need to rest from the backbreaking (pun intended) work they just did and to prepare for another round of dross tearing, sorry… legisLOOTING. But not to worry, we Nigerians we have no wahala. We are cool like that. We have a President who hit the ground… and remained there, rolling around on the floor. No sort of prodding will make him stand up and get going, we are told it is “bodi langweji” and those of us who did not vote for him should just keep quiet.
Apparently, the way it works in a serious democracy, democracy of people who have got no skin pain is, when your candidate wins elections, your mouth should be the sharpest on the block. Sharp it like razor and use it to wound any dissenting voices. Even when disappointment is tearing at your heart like a two edged sword, when you discover the conductor ran away with your “shanje” and you have no other option than to trek home, keep your chin up and keep up with the braggadocio. Governance na by “bodi langweji”.
You, are you still here? Did your candidate win election? You well so? Come on, wee you just kip kwayet and go with the flow? We no get any wahala for Naija. So in the midst of the fuel scarcities, electricity going on and off like Christmas lights, suicide bombers detonating their bombs in any and every – including hospitals and schools, rumoured transportation of die-hard insurgents from maximum security to medium security prisons in hitherto peaceful locations etcetera etcetera; Nigerians decide we have no other issues than to investigate who is “chooking” who behind closed doors.
In your pocket as you make your way home from work, is some loose change you found lying around in a customer’s account. They did not write any name on the money and you found it lying helplessly around, looking lonely and decided to take it home for the night. But you are not a sinner.
The man who decides to sleep with another man is the only sinner in the world and should be excoriated with your tongue. Be serious for once and stop playing the class clowns, we have a lot of work to do in our country, a whole lot of work.
Stop judging people who do not sin the way you do, your sin does not have a NAFDAC approval number.Hell? An appreciable number of us are headed that way and we do not even harbour romantic thoughts for same sex adults, we even beef them for dressing better than us or snagging the hot dude we have been eyeing for aeons, etc. etc.
The least of our worries should be which American is shagging which other same sex American legally. (Besides for those of you whose American hustle was at the risk of being truncated, don’t you see this as a means of realising your American dream? You dey there dey distribute bad belle). Remember, before you start talking of paedophilia getting legalised next, the key words for me are “consenting” and “adults”. What two consenting adults in faraway America do behind closed doors is none of your business Nigerians, Buhari is. Shekau is. Saraki is. Nigeria is. Slumping oil prices are. Rising inflation is. Falling exchange rates are. Can we for once just concentrate?
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