July 20, 2018

She snatched your man? Is he a handbag? – Joy Ehonwa

She snatched your man? Is he a handbag? – Joy Ehonwa

Last week, I read an open letter one oyinbo girl wrote to the girl who “stole” her boyfriend (because, piece of meat in pot), the girl who ‘hurt her, took away her relationship and selfishly thought only of her own happiness’, and I was irritated beyond words.

I mean, helloooo? Your man cheated on you! You have no business with that other woman, and writing such a letter to her is ludicrous! Let’s not even get into the fact that he’s a boyfriend not a husband; it does not matter. Whether you’re in a dating relationship or in a marriage, when a person who promised you fidelity and exclusivity betrays you, how does it make sense to attack the person he cheated with or moved on to? How is the other woman your problem? I see women – even Nigerian women – do this all the time, and it’s hard to understand the justification for it.

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I understand the interest in the other woman; who she is, what she has that you don’t, the way he is with her that he is not with you…I totally get the curiosity, and even obsession.

After all, she can’t be just like you. In fact, I’m willing to bet she makes deliberate effort to be the opposite of you, or who she perceives you to be from the things he says about you (infatuated men tend to have diarrhea of the mouth, sorry). She listens to him, and even when he doesn’t feel like talking, she doesn’t stress him. She simply sets the right atmosphere and gently draws it out of him. This thing is an art, and she has perfected it. Of course he’s his usual often annoying self, and she does feel tempted to nag him – she’s human too. Does she do that, though? Nope, she reins it in and sends him home to YOU for that.

Oh and let’s not even talk about the sex. Let’s just say she’s willing to go there and you’re not. After all, you’re a lady. Besides, you’re overwhelmed with the different hats you have to wear as a wife, mother, lesson teacher, cook, driver, and of course a career woman. But this other woman, we don’t know how exactly she does it but she’s never too tired for him. Somehow she always has enough energy to bend over backwards to please him. Worse still, she has refused to see him finish. She sits beside him when he eats at her place, touching his face and rubbing his head. She must not have a life.

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In fact, you can categorically say that she does not ha

ve a life. If she did, how come she remains the exact same woman he fell in love with? Instead of graduating to granny panties, chipped nail polish and a perpetual hair net, like a normal woman, she somehow manages to keep herself the way she was when he was first attracted to her. Is it not winch?

If it is not winch, how come when he remembers her, it’s the fun times he remembers, even though they also quarrel? It could be those things she purposely arranges and even gets him to pay for… the meals shared at first-class restaurants, the evenings spent listening to music and talking sweet nothings, the picnics, the back rubs and massages, the getaways and mini-vacations…it could be those things, but it is far more likely that it is jazz. Besides, this fake life they’re living, how long can it possibly last before they come back to earth and face real life? Can he do real life with her? Why is she just deceiving him with all this serenren?

You see, it’s understandable that you wonder about her. She’s a special breed, no doubt, but all of this does not mean she “stole” your man, ‘broke’ your home and ruined your life. There is no angle from which that theory makes sense. Make no mistake about this: if he’s with her, it’s because he wants to be, not because she ‘stole’ him. It was YOUR MAN who betrayed you, and he’s the one you should whine about, if you must whine. He is the one who ‘hurt you, took away your relationship and selfishly thought only of his own happiness.’ Maybe when she becomes a wife she won’t be able to keep up this charade, his eyes will clear, and their relationship will turn sour.

You can wish them bad luck all you want, if it makes you feel better. Just don’t go about moaning (or writing an open letter!) about how she snatched your man. He is a human being, not a handbag.

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