March 22, 2019

Side ‘chics’ are humans too – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

Side ‘chics’ are humans too – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

 

Back to regular programming.

 

What was done on Saturday is done. Any which way, God dey.

 

So I was thinking of this side chic story the other day.

 

Remember the case of a wife beating up and disgracing her ‘mate’ or ‘co-wife’ (albeit unofficial) and she was eventually arrested and charged to court?

 

‘Side chicking’ is not an easy business, especially in this our country.

 

They get beaten when they are caught.

 

ALSO READ: Dear men, this is how to commit adultery – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

Sometimes, the men choose the moment they are with the side chics to die in a hotel.

 

They are the subject of prayers in most Wednesday Bible study fellowships and prayer hours.

 

You hear other women screaming for them to die.

 

Little girls never look up to them and aspire to be like them.

 

Like, I have seen girls who aspire to be wives but I have never heard anyone say she would love to be the young love toy of some rich, pot-bellied man with hypertension and is sometimes known to orgasm after two and a half strokes.

 

Side chics are rarely ever upgraded to the wife.

 

This may be promised but it just doesn’t happen as often as it should.

 

They are not left in any will.

 

It is a situation whereby you acquire as much as you can when you can because there are no guarantees.

 

You will not be the main lady crying happily by a grave side (tears of joy because the geezer is gone and he left a lot of property and cash).

 

There truly is little sympathy for side chics.

 

And is it fair?

 

In a world where someone somewhere is crying because some nameless catfish was killed for pepper soup, where someone is raising money to prevent the extinction of the world’s most poisonous snakes and someone is trying to push for legislation that will prevent people from having gender reveal parties (they are dated and perpetuate the myth of binary gender… they pander to gender politics), there has to be someone out there who cares about the side chic.

 

Truth be told, side chics are important.

 

They make husbands happy.

 

Wives are bad women to their husbands.

 

They do not gasp in awe when their husbands bare wrinkled mottled buttocks as they lift up a leg to wear their boxers.

 

Frankly speaking, hairy butt cracks are inglorious.

 

Side chics do not have the luxury of expressing distaste.

 

They have to ‘werk’ for their pay.

 

This is a heavy load off wives.

 

Imagine if you had to bear the full brunt of your husband’s sexual desires every single time.

 

Side chics relieve wives of this sometimes cumbersome duty.

 

Imagine handling nocturnal activities three weeks post-partum.

 

Side chics are there so that the wives can rest well.

 

Some men are stingy.

 

ALSO READ: Don’t even argue, women are powerful – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

 

When you have a stingy husband and there is some young girl somewhere scamming him for rent and school fees and using his cash to take her boyfriend to the movies, it sorta feels like Karma is happening to him.

 

This can be both annoying and satisfying.

 

Side chics keep a lot of businesses afloat.

 

Nail salons, lace front shops, boutiques, etc.

 

So side chics are not that bad now.

 

Why do we want to beat them all the time?

 

At this point, I am a bit confused.

 

What was my original point of starting this article???

 

Okay! Got it.

 

I was trying to drum up some sympathy for the side chic.

 

So what if they are committing adultery and will go to hell?

 

After all, liars will go to hell… don’t we cut them some slack?

 

Wives need to bring down their shoulders and understand that a man has too much to give to restrict himself to one person.

 

So long as he can afford to and doesn’t renege on his responsibilities, you should not deny him of a little pleasure in life.

 

If wives behaved reasonably, there shouldn’t be any secrecy in this side chic business.

 

Wives and side chics can work hand in hand to make sure that men are the kings they need to be.

 

The world stays making them happy and when men are happy, women are happy as well.

 

So dear wives, stopping disturbing your hairnets and God’s ears over side chics.

 

Stop beating them.

 

They are human beings too.

 

And whether your husbands toasted them or they schemed or jazzed him to get his attention, the men are always willing accomplices.

 

Do you really want your husband around you 24-7?

 

ALSO READ: Abeg shift, it’s still a man’s world-Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

 

What would you do with all that semen?

 

Dear side chics, you also need to make a few adjustment in your thinking as well.

 

Your choices are valid.

 

Your dreams are valid.

 

You may be scum but you are still your own scum… or whatever.

 

You need to have a support group to discuss how to push your agendas to the fore front.

 

Every day, someone somewhere is getting beaten up for being gay or a transsexual or a side chic.

 

You need activism so that we can get it to move from LGBTQ to LGBTQSC.

 

 ALSO READ: God punish Side Chicks – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

 

(Biko… do not take these two lines up there to do a woke tweet of how disgusting I am to equate serious LGBTQ issues with those of the side chic. I already know how disgusting I am.)

 

But seriously speaking, side chics need a union.

 

Lilian Osigwe Editor

A Creative and Versatile Writer.  
Currently writes for SabiNews Media

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1 Comment

  1. a

    I love this paragraph

    “In a world where someone somewhere is crying because some nameless catfish was killed for pepper soup, where someone is raising money to prevent the extinction of the world’s most poisonous snakes and someone is trying to push for legislation that will prevent people from having gender reveal parties (they are dated and perpetuate the myth of binary gender… they pander to gender politics), there has to be someone out there who cares about the side chic.”

    Reply

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