Sista Ruona, how I go take enter Germany? – Ruona Agbroko Meyer

Sista Ruona, how I go take enter Germany? – Ruona Agbroko Meyer

Dear Kolawole M*****,

Greatesttttt Kogite!

Articulateeeee Kogite!!!

Thank you for always reading my blog. I appreciate you, even though you have just yabbed me by calling me osanle and refugee in one sentence. Pick a struggle na. This is like calling someone side chick and “our wife” at the same time.

Well, to be honest…if following my husband to run away from a place where – Tomato cost today, petrol subsidy remove tomorrow and Recession is just a word while Poverty is a never-ending sentence is equal to seeking refuge, then I agree with you, my brother. I am a refugee.

Anyway…how are you? Have you eaten? How is the rain in your area? Still falling? I hope it is sha, it is showers of blessing; and it means the dams that power the turbines that provide electricity will keep working, which means we Nigerians can at least have a good night’s sleep or a good night “sleep” even if bag of rice don cost.

Let me look at your message again:


Oya, make I answer your questions:

  1. I want to know how much it will cost me to get to Germany?

It depends on if you are going by:

  1. Bus/Foot/boat/back of trailer trekking through the Libyan desert then boat to enter Greece, before allowing yourself and your certificates to be packed inside a car transporting anything from meat to oranges, all of which should take you months, costing you USD10,000 and possibly your life.
  2. Lufthansa Airlines – Which will cost far less, and see you with proper Proper Germans, nice seats and a faster travel time of 6 hours
  3. Other airlines: Turkish/KLM/Virgin/Emirates etc – The longer travel times due to transits are standard. Then there are other possibilities. For instance…depending on what racist officer is in charge Turkish officals may dip their gloved fingers in your bushy afro, or ask you to bend over so they stick their fingers in your you-know-where if they mistake the eba you ate for drug pellets. Emirates are not as bad…they could just simply force you to sleep in the airport floor while they provide accommodation for other nationalities. Not to worry, this is why you are “seeking refuge” abi? In a few years you could be German, easy peasy!
  1. The right or less expensive state to live and how Germany schooling system work.

The Bachelor’s degree takes 3 years and you must intern while you go to school, to get a feel of the workplace, while Masters programmes are two years, basically.

Most of the cheapest places to live in are in Eastern Germany, and in general, border regions seem to have some of the cheapest places – Saabrücken, Chemnitz, Duisbrg, etc. Now, while I am sure these are the less expensive places, as opposed to large cities, I am not sure if these are the right places as I do not know your full preferences.

I have to let you know that the universities teaching the course you want may not be in the cheap cities. Secondly, Germans do not like giving birth to children. And it is so bad that the overall population is expected to drop by half a million over the next 15 years. Most of the old people live in East Germany, which is where there are some least expensive cities. So if you do not mind beign the toy boy of a German cougar then go for it!

  1. I read somewhere that most of the some of their universities are free. How true is that? What and what do I need to gain entrance into one of the universities?

The Universities are not free. They are tuition-free, meaning even osanles do not have to pay school fees. However, you do pay an administrative fee every semester to the school but it is within the EUR200 to 300 range, so it is not much. Before you apply to the university, you must know how to speak German and have your B1-level language certificate (you study from A1, A2 to get to B1) and an

All your Nigerian certificates must also be verified as relevant to German education standards before you apply to the University. When you get an acceptance letter, you can apply for a visa. However, you will need health insurance and must pay your living costs, so at this stage you must show proof that you have, or have access to about EUR8, 000 per year because Germany is like Olamide: they do not like story for the gods. The best way to achieve all these is to sign up for the language courses at the Goethe Institut in Lagos and also use their help desk to ensure you get the paperwork done correctly.

So though Germany does not collect school fees, it can take at least six months before you are ready to apply – language courses take months, for instance.

The best solution? Find one German to come and marry you and take you to this side. You will not need any language, or fingers in your afro to waka come. Iyalaya anybody.

*Resumes search for crowbar to pry tongue from cheek

See you next week.

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