October 16, 2018

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Sister, can you pound yam for your man? by Funke Phillips

Sister, can you pound yam for your man?  by Funke Phillips

I heard that for you to qualify as a good African woman, you must know how to pound yam. If you don’t, your husband can parcel you back to your father the way you’ll return a fridge to the store where you bought it if it has a defect. I have never pounded yam in my life and I’m sure I won’t till I die. I can’t call myself a feminist and be pounding yam abeg. The Society of Feminism would revoke my membership card if they hear I’m doing such rubbish. Pounding yam ke? For what? But on the flip side of it, I am a feminist that likes to cook.

 

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Once a friend told me not to refer to myself as a feminist because I told her I would cook for my husband if I were married. She didn’t understand how a so called feminist would be cooking for a man. She genuinely didn’t understand it. She claimed it was slavery to still be cooking for a man in this day and age. I was surprised at her surprise and wondered what cooking had to do with feminism.

Nigerian women can confuse someone. You won’t cook for him because you’re a feminist but you can tolerate his cheating. You won’t cook for him because you’re a feminist but you’re willing to let him talk down to you like you’re an infant. You won’t cook for him because you’re a feminist yet you cower in his presence. How do you define your own feminism and why must I fit into this little box you’ve set out for yourself?

Cooking for a man doesn’t make me his slave.

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The thing is I like to cook. I like to cook and eat food. I cook because I like to cook not because anyone forces me to cook and not because it is my duty to cook. It is not my duty, I simply just like to cook.

Why women feel cooking for their boyfriends, partners or husbands would make them less of a feminist is beyond me. If you like to cook, cook. If you have the time to cook, cook. And if you don’t like to cook, don’t cook. Simple.

If I’m with someone, trust me I always get the better end of the deal because he has chores that make cooking look like child’s play. For example, I can’t have a man and still be putting on the generator myself. Hell no. Mr. Man, you better go and put on that thing and do the change-over too.

I advocate and support the rights and equality of women so I am without a doubt a feminist but when it comes to me and a man, I can be a little diva. I am a diva because there are things I will NOT do. Don’t get me wrong, I can do them, I just choose not to do them when I have a man. I will not change a tire when I have a man. That’s his job. I will not kill cockroaches when I have a man. That’s also his job. I refuse to have any discussion with the plumber, electrician etc. That is simply his job. If a bulb goes out, he has to change to it. I don’t have time for mundane issues like that.

The only household chores I like are cooking and controlling the tv remote.  Any other thing has to be handled by either another human being or a machine. I hate ironing so he would have to do that. I won’t lift heavy things when I have a man neither will I take out the trash. Pray tell, what are you useful for again if I have to do all these things by myself?

Change over Baton 1

I once had a boyfriend who told me he was coming to visit. He came, I cooked and he ate. He was a very slow eater so I finished eating before him. I had washed my dishes and settled back down to watch tv when this Oga piped up.

“I’m done eating. You can clear the plates now”

I looked at him, my eyebrows raised trying to figure out if he was joking. But he wasn’t. This man was actually expecting me to stand up, clear his plates and wash it.I pointed him to the kitchen. I don’t have the time or inclination to clean up and pick up after anybody. You are not my child and I’m too busy.

I’m too busy controlling the tv remote.

Now to the crux of the matter, to pound yam or not to pound yam?

Well, I guess it’s up to you. If you like to pound, pound away. If you don’t like to pound, do like me and use yam flour or get a yam pounder. The guy that wanted me to wash his dishes told me he could only eat pounded yam that had been pounded in a mortar with a pestle. Obviously that relationship didn’t stand the test of time because I will NOT pound yam for any soul.

Pounding yam is not part of cooking. That is self-inflicted punishment.

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14 Comments

  1. omawunmi

    lol you are absolutely right, if you want to cook, cook. it’s no big deal. I don’t understand why many women are afraid of the word feminist, me- feminist and proud! !
    people asked me all the time how can you be a feminist when you are now a housewife? i’m a housewife because i choose to be. it is what was right for me at the time and was entirely my own decision. Again my decision to earn money for myself as my kids are now independent was entirely my own.
    I’ve been married for 9 years and recently my dad came to spend the weekend with me, after serving him eba ,he motioned for me to clear his plates, i was clearly taken aback and he saw it. I haven’t seen that ‘clear my plate’ movement in forever. it was so funny we both started laughing. he said “i dont blame you na, you are now a ‘madam'”.
    my dad is a pretty liberal guy but of course he is of a different generation and I am his daughter so i should clear up after him.

    Reply
  2. Kolawole

    *clears throat*…well I have never been a fan of only my woman do all the chores, neither am I a fan of pounded yam pounded manually. The only reservations I have to this lovely piece is tha most people in our immediate societies wouldn’t understand this, they believe the role of a woman in her hubby’s house is simply the house chores. Don’t let us forget the iya oko oniyan and efo riro..God bless your brain ma’am

    Reply
  3. Mute

    This feminism thing is really gaining momentum. I will sit and watch how it plays out.

    By the way, I think you could have also stated one or two things that you think is the woman’s job since you stated a few things that are ABSOLUTELY the man’s job. Or is there no job for the woman besides controlling the remote?

    Reply
    1. The Queen Herself

      Oh yeah, the remote control management, as well as logging another human being in her tummy for 9 months…..oh!, did I mention the insanity of breastfeeding and logging the same human being for another 3 years to suckled her breaststroke for food, incessantly????

      Reply
  4. Toyin

    I think this is a rant more than a post. I do not believe in women slaving for their husband or even their children but the way you’ve put it here smacks of arrogance. Or maybe am not reading between the lines enough. Feminism is not synonymous to being obnoxious!
    anyway… I may need clarifications. cheers.

    Reply
    1. sandy

      You aren’t getting the gist unfortunately ,there is a lot of sarcasm used and all she has said isn’t face value… read again

      Reply
  5. Abraham

    thank you for the interesting write up.
    you have further given much strength and corroboration to the very lazy female individuals masquerading as feminists.
    The enormity of the various issues emanating from these basic issues are beyond casual description.
    role definition will always be controversial and also peculiar to various groups of persons however there are basic expectations.
    In the cultural sense, a woman who is lazy in the kitchen or who decides not not to cook for his man is at a bitter loss, in most cases a mans belly has a better connection with his frontal lobe which is the part of the brain for judgement and assessment.
    generally speaking, it portrays a lady in better light if she does the right and expected.
    if you do not know how to pound yam,, pls learn it.it may just save your home from troubles.
    husbands who love pounded yam should not be denied for some casual obnoxiously and ill articulated reasons, he will definitely seek his pounded yam elsewhere even if he is a general overseer.

    Reply
  6. Ralph

    The first day my wife called me to kill a cockroach, I was like for real! Lol. I am just fine with my Ola-Ola poundo yam and as for the trash, I only do that when I wish. I refuse to take that as my responsibility fa

    Reply
  7. kris

    interestng piece, well done. Please pounding yam can never save a marriage, if a person wants to leave they would eventually if you like pound rock na you sabi. I’m not a feminist but I do love what you’ve written. Kudos

    Reply
  8. Velvet Daisy

    ….And what is with the APC baton exchange in the picture? Has the post got anything to do with politics? Why politicize everything? I believe Sabinews is an open, non-biased platform. Lets not make it unwelcoming to people of other parties by adding a silent undertone of politics.

    Reply
    1. Editor1

      Hello Velvet, sabinews is non-partisan. why the baton? if you notice, all our stories from May 29 to June 1 had the baton in commemoration of the hand over. check. it is also the header for our facebook page. and no it is not an APC baton. it just shows the change from PDP to APC. thanks for noticing though and keep reading.

      Reply
  9. Oyin

    I absolutely love what i read…when i get married,my husband will be my baby and i will take care of him very well in every way i can,i am sure he will reciprocate. Therefore,my feminist campaign is not for my husband but for those arrogant guys out there and those women who enjoy being treated as a piece of rag.

    Reply

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