Growing up, my idea of my prince charming kept changing.
Every stage of my development had a revamped version of this man.
At some point, he was supposed to be a spitting image of my father, then it changed to this bad boy who was to rock my world; and a few years later, I wanted a rich, handsome man; who could make all my problems disappear by waving his magic wallet.
Well, call it serendipity, run of luck, spiritual intervention or karma; I finally landed in the arms of a man who made me know what I actually wanted in a man.
Probably as a boon from my streak of luck, I got to know and understand some of the roles a man should play in a woman’s life.
Typically, from my dating experience and the many times I had to sip tea with my friends about profoundly undesirable and vile exes, it is clear that some men really have no idea of what to do when they are dating.
For some, it is all about sex and getting rid of the consequences, others think the only permissible and legal place to spend time is in a bar, a few assume that Friday to Sunday is the only times to meet, and some believe that ignoring a problem will solve it. Anyway, that mess aside, the following are some of the roles your man should be playing in your relationship.
1. He is your keeper
Your man has to look after you.
This means he has to be responsible for you to the point of ensuring your safety; and even helping you find the solutions to the problems you encounter.
The same way he wants you to take care of him is the same way you should be taken care of.
However, being a keeper does not mean he dictates your life, prescribes your activities or controls you.
If he controls you, it will be a sure way of making you an overly ‘submissive’ yes woman; or an insubordinate person who will always fight him.
In the real world, none of these options is palatable.
2. He should be a listener
Your partner should learn to listen to you especially when you are very emotional.
When you spit all kinds of emotions that cannot be bottled or wished away, that is always the time for him to listen; empathize and listen.
At that point, all you need is a shoulder to lean on and not a lesson from a Dr. Phil wannabe or a sermon from one of Oprah’s advocates.
He should save logic for later and instead use his ears.
Additionally, listening to you also means taking your ideas and opinions into consideration or action. Everybody wants to be relevant; he should take heed to what you say.
3. He ought to be a visionary leader
Choose to date a man with a vision.
A vision for your relationship, his life and your life; and he should work towards achieving them.
Do not let your relationship be the usual I love you-let us get married-have babies-and start getting old love stories.
The more you work together towards achieving something, the more you will become intimate and have a steadfast foundation.
If he has no vision, expect to have a mediocre life, thus making you his average woman.
4. He adds value
If he truly loves you, he will always add value to you.
This means helping you become a better person.
He should help you fight your demons, correct you when you are wrong, encourage you at all times and never use your weaknesses to hurt you.
Additionally, he should always be positive around you, make you see the good side of situations even when everything is going south; and let you know that he is there to help you achieve the best.
If he dates you and leaves you worse than he found you, he is definitely the boy your mother warned you about.
Do not even think of him, flee; he is your undoing.
5. He supports you
You can do more than cleaning, talking, massaging his ego, feeding him and having babies.
Your man ought to empower you to do other things besides the aforementioned activities.
He should support your dreams, decisions and right relations.
There is nothing as miserable as a woman walking alone when she has a man in her life.
If he cannot support you, why are you his girlfriend?
6. He is your lover
He should always make you feel special in bed.
If the sex gets boring, it is also his duty to find ways of making it interesting.
Sex is not all about handling his erection, random kisses, blow jobs, missionary and doggy styles and then bam!
Sex is also about what you want.
Your man should read widely to know what turns you on; and can even find this out from you so as to give you the due sexual attention.
No teacher, parent or friend will sit him down and make him understand the sexuality of a woman.
He should take it upon himself, make it his business and also satisfy you.
Ultimately, one of the hardest tasks your man can ever take up is trying to understand you.
Women are complex, emotional and simple at the same time, therefore understanding or trying to predict you is close to impossible. He should love you as you are.
He settled on you because of what he liked or saw in you.
He should nurture the goodness in you, inculcate positivity in you, be open-minded and not always ready to fight you.
What’s more, he should treat you with respect and love you unconditionally.
If this happens, you will definitely feed on it and give back the same to him.
Conversely, if you do not reciprocate, the smartest guess will be you probably are his worst nightmare.
He should wake up and smell the coffee.