October 18, 2018

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There is no such thing as a bisexual – Nkem Ndem

There is no such thing as a bisexual – Nkem Ndem

I recently saw a video on Instagram where a lady was being sarcastic about certain sexual orientations, personality alignments and gender identities. She lamented on how liberals of today’s society are letting illusion and emotion trump objective truth.

She made specific reference to people who identified as Transgender – people who identify as a sex opposite of their naturally assigned sex; Transracial- individuals who assert a racial identity for themselves which differs from their birth ethnicity; Trans-able – the need of a person identified as able-bodied by other people to transform their body to obtain a physical impairment ; Transspecies – people who claim to be certain species of animals trapped in a human body and more.

While her short speech was sensible, I felt she did not do justice to one sexual orientation – the bisexuals.

Of course, you are probably already turning up your nose and acting like you have never heard the word or wondering why I would delve into such a topic that has nothing to do with Nigerians….but believe it or not, a number of Nigerians actually identify as bisexuals… not counting also the numerous ones whose behaviours suggest bisexuality.

The bisexual is a label given to people who have the capacity to love people of their same gender or of a different gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction, and/or relationships. It sounds like the description of a confused person, doesn’t it?

Now, the idea is not to berate people who categorize themselves in this sexual orientation or any other sexual orientation at all. We’ve been arguing as human beings over whether someone can be gay, lesbian or bisexual as a sexual identity for  over 145 years, and whether that’s okay…and I feel like we will forever be doing that.

My point is, I do not think that bisexuality should be classified as a sexual orientation.

Bisexuality should be classified as a transitionary phase, the phase a person goes through before they realize that they are either straight or gay. Think about it, eventually the ones who insist that they are bisexual eventually just end up with one gender, don’t they? Or they find themselves more repeating sexual relations with one gender, no? With the men especially, quite a number who are not straight still struggle with the patriarchal stigma, and to soften the blow, they chose to rather live the life of a bisexual. It seems like the more practical and dignifying option.

In our culture, men are not encouraged to explore their sexuality. In fact, any sign that he may not be 100 percent straight is seen as a weakness. Due to that, many gay men over the years struggle with the idea of coming out. Of course, there is also the 14 years jail term associated with being gay. In the end, they get married to a woman and have kids, while also living their best life with a male partner on the side.

Perhaps, the ones who insist on this sexual orientation are just sexually greedy or are battling with a high libido. I had a conversation with someone online (who has refused to reveal his true identity to me), he said to me that he was bisexual because he found both men and women attractive and he should be allowed to express himself, so I asked him to let me know when he found this out about himself.  According to him, he had attended an only boys boarding school where they were forced to live without female attention, and being horny teenagers, they found other ways to release themselves besides self-loving.

He had a few boyfriends and after secondary school, he dated a few girls in university, having occasional one night stands with some. He admitted to preferring men to women, seeing as that was how he was introduced to sex but he insisted he was not gay. When I asked him why he was sure he was not gay, he said that he had never been a bottom.

The way I see it, you are either straight or gay, there are no grey areas. Even when you dabble with the two, there is always a clear path. Identifying as bisexual is usually temporary.

 

Do you agree?

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